"The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when Sad tries to bite its lip...

Smile!

Mam gud pm.  Mam 2mawag UP Baguio. Pls claim Transcript of Records of Ms. Rianne Picar on Thursday.  FYI po.  

It always pays to smile a lot.  My papacute paid off.  My taxi fares for a week and my undertime for a week.  Smile, smile, smile!

So what's next?

Power hungry. Forcing commitments. Fund from government? 

Yoko na. 

Market encounter

I met Jamie (not her real name) yesterday.  She's 9 years old and will be Grade 3 in June.  I met her in the market.  She approached me and asked if she can help me carry my stuff in exchange for something. 

Ate, ako na lang po ang magdala ng pinamalengke nyo.

Kaya mo? Ako nga malaki na hirap na hirap pa ako.  Mabigat ito...

Kaya ko po yan ate. Sanay na po ako.  

So I obliged because it was really sooo heavy.

Dalawa tayo ha. Ikaw sa kabila.  

Opo ate. Thank you po. 

While we were walking from the meat stalls to the vegetable section, I probed.

Alam ba ng mga magulang mo na nandito ka? 

Opo. Hinihintay ko nga po ang mama ko kasi po namalengke siya. 

Aaaa...tas sabay na kayong uuwi? 

Hindi po.  Maiiwan po ako. Magbebenta pa po ako ng supot e. 

Saan nagwowork ang mama mo? 

Sa Bakakeng po. (I thought her mom worked in the market)

So, mag-isa ka lang na nagbebenta? 

Opo, kaya ko naman po. 

Anong oras ka pumunta dito? 

Alas sais p0, nasa palengke na po ako.

Hanggang anong oras ka? 

Hanggang gabi na po. 

Asan ang papa mo? 

Patay na po e. Three years na po. 

Ikaw ba ang panganay? 

Hindi po. Ako po ang bunso at mag-isang babae. 

Ilang taon na ang mga kuya mo? 

10 at 11 years old po. 

Pumapasok kayo lahat sa school? 

Opo. 

Tinutulungan ko lang po ang mama ko kasi alam ko pong nahihirapan siya. 

Kaya mo pa ba akong ihatid hanggang sa Sunshine? Di ka ba hahanapin ng mama mo? 

Opo. Kayang kaya ko po.  Di po niya ako hahanapin.  Alam naman po niya ang trabaho ko.

Kumain ka na ba? 

Opo, kumain po ako bago po ako lumabas ng bahay.  

Ate, lagi po ba kayong namamalengke? 

Oo. 

Anong araw po? Sabado po ba? 

Oo, kung minsan Sabado, kung minsan Linggo. 

Ate, doon lang po ako. Hanapin nyo lang po ako kung mamalengke kayo. 

Oo, sige. Thank you ha. 

Salamat din po ate. 

And she left with a smile that made me think about my son, 8 years old, Grade 3, and watching TV. 

 

 

 

A P25-million fund to end political killings has been ordered put up by President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, who also called on lawmakers to use part of their pork barrel to help raise the amount. - what if....?

I can go faster than the wind!!!

Summer with my Rhyss is...

vanilla ice cream with maraschino cherries and stik-o spruced up with Hershey's syrup

Ang bago kong kasangga...

Happy Anniversary Mama and Papa. Today's supposed to be your 32nd Wedding Anniversary!

I miss you so much. I love you.

Buti pa ang Ripley's madaling paniwalaan...

Capital D: Random lang

d as in daring
d as in delicadeza
d as in depressed
d as in dunggo
d as in daddy
d as in dumbo
d as in dinengdeng
d as in danggit
d as in darling
d as in drugs
d as in deklarasyon
d as in dependent
d as in durog
d as in dimples
d as in Capital V
d as in Capital C

Becoming a Kuya...

Indulgence is...

...eating two plates of pansit...
...eating ice cream...
...eating cheese burger meal from McDonalds...
...eating 15pcs pandesal with cheese...
...drinking a tall mug of hot Swiss Miss with mallows...
...eating 3 slices of pizza...
...eating half of Red Ribbon custard roll...

all in a day!

Bakit?

1. Bakit may mga taong mababagal? As in sobrang bagal, daig pa ang flower girl kung magmartsa.

2. Bakit may mahina ang processor? Paulit-ulit mong sasabihin kung paano dapat gawin ang isang bagay, pero uulit-ulitin pa ring gagawin ang gustong gawin.

3. Bakit may mga taong sobrang mataas ang pride? Ilang ulit nilang sasabihin na hindi ka nila kailangan pero ramdam na ramdam mo naman at kitang-kita mo ang pangangailangan nila sa iyo.

4. Bakit ako pikon na pikon? Dahil siguro ako ay pagod na pagod.

5. Bakit ako inis na inis? Ewan. Feel ko lang siguro. Choice ko naman kung maiinis ako o magiging masaya di ba?

Christmas is the time...

I miss them so much...

I am so blessed indeed...

Carl Rhyss and Christof Aaron

Yeah right! I'm a proud Mom of two boys!

Why I named my son Christof Aaron

I named him such because his name describes us.

Christof means bearer of Christ...and of course, Rhyss already is Carl. Christof...Christine.
Aaron...yes, he was Moses' right hand. His name also means mountain of strength.

Indeed, God has blessed me so much. I have been through a lot throughout my pregnancy and I have seen God's hand move and I have experienced Him working in my life.

Christof Aaron came at a time when I was experiencing so much loss and so much pain with the death of my Mom and Lola Febe. He came at a time when there was so much turmoil in my marriage, not knowing what to do or who to turn to.

And God showed me clearly just how much grace and love He has for me.

Yes, Kuya Romy and Ate Leila was so right when they said my baby is more than a conqueror. Looking back now, I wouldn't have survived and my baby wouldn't be this healthy if it were not for the strength that God has given.

Indeed, I am so blessed to have children like Rhyss and Aaron.

Kaya sila tinawag na mag-ama

Oh Rhyss!!!

Rhyss, will you please come here.
Why Mama?
I miss you, I want to embrace and kiss you.
Why do you miss me, we're in the same country naman e.

***

Ma, I miss Rianne.
Why do you miss her, you're in the same country right?
(then pretended not to hear anything)

***

Mama, I'm going to miss you if you go to work and I go to school.
Why anak, di ba we live in the same country naman?
Nooooo! What I mean was we live in the same city, in the same house!!!

***

Rhyss while doing exercises in division...

Oh dear! This is so hard...

Ma, I want to eat... (asked for a serving of igado and rice and finished a plateful though he's done with dinner already)...

(After eating...) Ohhhhh....

Then I observed...a picture of Rianne was displayed in front of the DVD player, looks at it, then answer one problem, looks at the tv, then looks at Rianne's picture again.

Oh Rhyss!!!

Lord, I have been through so much. I am sorry if I keep on forgetting how faithful you are to have carried me through all the seasons in my life.

Thank you God for reminding me that You have a great plan for me, and that You desire the best for me. Thank you for calling me the apple of your eye. Thank you for loving me so much despite my iniquities and imperfections.

Yes God, I won't allow myself to be affected by an anthill. I know that your grace is more than sufficient for me.

Thank you for helping me climb mountains and for helping me reach the apex of every mountain unscathed.

Indeed Lord, you are faithful. Thank you for your promise that you're going to fight for me and stand up for me.

Yes God, I will be still and know that You are an awesome God.

To be a mother of two boys...

Lapit ng lumabas si Peanuts, wala pang pangalan.
Rhyss is having "papansin" episodes.
I'm getting jittery, I'm always sick.
Nakakakaba pala ang maging nanay ng dalawa.
But I'm excited...

Less talk, less mistakes

Ang konti na nga lang ng sinabi ko namisquoute pa. Pareho ba to?

"Our God is a just God"

sa

"Thank God justice has been served"

For me, hindi pareho.

God is the God of Justice

Thank you God! He is guilty...I know you are faithful and You will not leave us in the midst of the battle. You are not done yet...but I am confident that You will never leave us. I will be still and know that You are God. May you be glorified, Lord.

God is not done with me yet. But I am assured that He will stay with me until the race is finished...because my God is faithful.

Happy Birthday Rianne!

Today is my one and only sister's birthday...
my only family left as Rhyss said last Monday.
At 28, she has gone through a lot...
She turned 18 without a blastful celebration,
but she never complained about it. Guess where and how she spent it!

Now at 28, she has matured sooo much;
Ten years after, her strength, peace and joy is unequalled.
Grace, that's what it is.
Faith, that's what keeps her going.
Love, that's what moves her.

Rianne, my ading that I am so proud of...
Next to God, my biggest source of strength.
The very best friend I ever had.

Happy Birthday Homer!

"Homer, dahan-dahan lang, malapit na ang birthday natin!"

Another baby boy!

Yes, our blessing will be coming in December. Another baby boy (though I know, almost everybody is expecting a baby girl).

A blessing is a blessing is a blessing!

I miss you Ma

Yesterday, Pastor Lino and I had the chance to talk...

"Talaga nga love ti taga-Bauang ni Mamam anya? Adda ti nagdakkel nga streamer na nga nakakabil jay market - Remembering Felicidad Picar, Municipal Treasurer, Bauang (something like that)."

Oh! I knew about it and I don't know if I want to go see it.

But I really feel honored that my Mom is given that kind of importance. And as a daughter, I feel so blessed that Mama left a good legacy...an inheritance worth more than riches.

I love you Ma.

Thank you

It has been a year since we lost our Mom on August 6, 2007.

I miss her so much. Rhyss does too, not forgetting to tell me everyday. And a lot of people does.

God showed himself faithful and He has blessed us with people who really let us feel that God is indeed God.

I felt elated with the ceremony that Bauang did in remembrance for my Mom. I know Mama is likewise honored with the program they have prepared. A marker was placed in front of the house where we used to live in Santiago, Bauang, La Union.

Yes, the justice that we are praying for is not yet served. But I know, in God's time, He will give the justice that Mama truly deserves.

Thank you for not only sharing in our grief, but letting us feel that we are loved and that we are not alone. May God bless you all a hundredfold.

I miss you so much Ma

Life is like a bunch of guapples...

The gunman's alibi is to buy guapples in Urayong for his wife to sell (His wife is selling "tinudok" anyway. Product diversity ba ang tawag dun?). Then, there was no guapple for sale at around 7-7:30am on August 6, 2007 so he went to Bagbag. He is from Agoo but it was his first time to visit Urayong. On his way to Bagbag, going to the "riles", Police, all of a sudden, came pursuing him, so he ran and ran and ran and ran until they came to the "kaarumasan" where a gun was neatly placed on the sand.

This person who knelt down before me and my sister on August 7, 2008, the same person who said "pakawanen dak, saan ko ingagara", "pamilyak laeng ti panpanunutek", now claims he saw only Rianne for the first time when she testified in court. A a, ket wen a garud.

Sabagay, he is in no better position than I am. He is also living in fear I believe. Yes, I forgive him already. Whatever the result of the case may be, I know that whoever are behind my Mama's killing will not escape justice.

There is a God who never sleeps, a God who knows all truth...

I choose to be still and know that my God is God. I will wait on HIM.

August 6, 2007

I miss you so much mama.

Mornings at Burnham Park

You want me to take your pictures? Doughnuts for sale!
Dance with Mr. Coliwan...
...and dance some more
Hey mother, take my picture y lang!

Lord, mas mahirap yata ito a!

Over the weekend

• I had some kind of a heart to heart talk with my Auntie Reina. Was so good to hear from her that he looked up to my Papa when she was still a little girl. Yes, my Papa was an alcoholic but he was the best Father ever - he came home early, cooked for Rianne and I, went to market, washed clothes, fetched water. And yes, he was the sweetest dad ever!
• Cried over some crap, but hey! done is done said Carlo. Okay! Love is love is love is love. And God is the third strand of my marriage. And God sees everything and knows all things. And the Lord will fight for me. :)
• First time Carlo and I brought Rhyss with us for my monthly check-up. Manong Rhyss got so excited, he told "everything" to Dr. Dumaup!!!
• Missed my Mama so much. Miss my sister so much.
• Hearing went well. All in my Mom's favor. Yey!!!
• Manipon family had breakfast with the Babaran family. It was really fun. And we hope we can do it again. Next time, John Hay na sana talaga. Hehehe
• Cooked so much. Hmmm. Therapeutic pala ang pagluluto. I will do it more often. Especially with Carlo and Rhyss always saying - wow! mama! ang sarap!!!
• I ate plenty of chicheria, drink plenty of Coke!!! Yeah right! Bawal. But auntie Reina said, I can eat and drink basta I drink plenty of water. Hehehe

All in all, I had a fun, stressful, delightful, dramatic, enjoyable and worth remembering weekend!

More wisdom...so much grace!

I have been through a lot and I know that God's grace will see me through.

hahaha!

somebody's affected! somebody's spying on me...ahahahaha.

A lot of things to be thankful for...

Indeed, Father God, you are an awesome God.

Thank you Father for your grace and for your peace.
Thank you for loving me so much.
Thank you for the wisdom that you have given me.
Thank you for preparing me for bigger things.
Thank you for preparing me for all the difficulties and circumstances.
Thank you for making me stronger.
Thank you for teaching me that my security is always in you.
Thank you for giving me a son like Rhyss. Thank you for honoring me with a
child with wisdom beyond his age.
Thank you for the baby inside my womb. Thank you God for as early as now,
you have shown me that my baby is a conqueror.
Thank you for shielding me with your favor as with a shield.
Thank you for giving me joy and peace beyond compare.
Thank you for making my faith to rise up.
Thank you for using me to touch other people's lives.
Thank you for all the things I am going through.
Thank you for in my weakness, you are my strength.
Thank you for carrying me in the palm of your hands.
Thank you God, for in you, I am not alone.

I love you Lord and all I desire is to be always in your favor.
Thank you Lord for everything has been paid for by the blood of Jesus.
Thank you for I am no longer fighting for victory but from victory.
Thank you for my inheritance.
Thank you for you have prepared a wonderful place for me more than
I can ever imagine.
Thank you for your grace is sufficient for me.
Thank you for giving me your Spirit that I may be comforted and have peace.

Lord, bless me indeed. And Father, may I always find favor in your eyes.

homerrific is terrific!

Your happiness is determined by your character. Your character is determined by your choices. Your choices are determined by your values. Your values are determined by your vision.

Father's Day

Father's Day

Happy Fathers' Day Papa. Thank you for taking really good care of me when you were still here. Your love still embraces me until now. I hope you and Mama are happy wherever you are now.

Happy Father's Day also to you, Lolo Kito...I know you're not perfect but I thank you for being a father to Papa. Without the love you've shown him, I know he will not be able to love me and Rianne the way he did.

I love you both and I'm so proud to have a Father and a Lolo like you.

I put my trust in God...

Dear God, I don't understand it, but I trust you.
I am no longer going to spend all my time trying to figure out why certain things happen.
I'm going to trust you to make something good out of it.
You're a good God, and I know you have my best interests at heart.
You promised that all things will work together for my good.

God, if it is possible, please let my Mama and Papa know, I miss them so much and wish they were here. Let my Lolo Kito and Lola Febe know also that I miss them a lot, too. Let them all know that I love them very much. Please let them know also that my in-laws, Daddy Cris and Mama Anita are really taking good care of me.

And God, please let my Mom know that we're fighting for her and the church is really praying for justice.

Hold me always in the palm of your hand God,

Christine

P.S.

Lord, if it is also possible, please let them know that Rhyss is having an ading and we're all so excited about Peanuts. I feel bad everytime I think about them not seeing Peanuts. But God, I know that your timing is always perfect.

Thank you God and I love you.

Remembering my friend...

The news came as a shock...
We just agreed we will meet when she comes home from China...
She's also pregnant and she should be home...
But I can't see her anymore...
She's coming home, but we will never have the chance to talk anymore
We will all miss you, friend.

I'm 12 weeks 2 days pregnant today...and I'm hoping that I can already attend the hearings for Mama's case. Doctor said not yet, because the whole process can give me so much stress.

Yes indeed. But more than the case, something else is giving me more stress.

Yes, I'm worried about peanuts.

But I'm coping. God is always good. His grace is really more than enough for me.

Ma, I wish you were still here. I miss you. I love you so much.

Pain. Hurt. Forgive. Forget. Move on.

Peanuts!

There is a baby!
There is a heartbeat, praise God!
But "Peanuts" heartbeat is slow (113 - should be 120 or more).
Oh no, another ultrasound?
I think I won't anymore.
God will take care of my baby...
Like how God took care of Rhyss
...Halsema highway every week
...Travels in the different towns of Mountain Province
...Antibiotics
......but Rhyss came out just fine.
And we will have a Xilca. Or another Carl.

Oh Rhyss!!!

Lord, please help my mama not to worry about our baby. Give her strength. Protect our baby. I pray that our baby will be okay. In Jesus' name, amen.

****

Lord, I pray that they will still pansin me even if our baby will come out already. Thank you Lord for our new baby. We are all excited to have her. I pray Lord that you please help us take care of her also. We are all happy for our new baby. In Jesus' name, Amen.

****

Lord, I pray that you please give us a bigger house where I will have my own room when I become a Kuya already. Help me Lord so that I will be a good Kuya. In Jesus' name, Amen.

This is the way of an adulteress:
She eats and wipes her mouth,
and says, I've done nothing wrong."

Proverbs 30:20

A new baby!

There is always a reason to smile
and thank God for all the blessings
For a while, we thought we couldn't have this baby
Indeed, God is good!
I'm 4 weeks 6 days pregnant today!!!

Sigh! If only Mama, Lolo Kito, Lola Febe and Papa were here...

I miss my Mama...

...who has an answer for everything.

Lord, we all want to have this baby...

The most touching prayer I heard -

Lord, please help Mama not to think that something will happen to our baby. Give her happiness and peace. Help her not to be sad. Protect her and our baby. In Jesus name, amen.
(Rhyss, 6 years old)

My God is a God in and out of seasons...

I have been through a lot already...and like what my Auntie Raquel told me, I'm "getting older" fastforward. I can't still imagine myself coping and getting through this. I believe if it weren't for God's grace and mercy, I wouldn't be standing now. I could have died with grief. I would have been overcome with sorrow. My ate Kit was so right when she told me, "our God is a God of seasons, He will see you through in every season."

Battle after battle, problem after problems...but God is good. I have seen His goodness all the time. And everytime circumstances come which are for me, unsurmountable, it is God's enabling grace that pulls me through.

God is building my character. He is showing me that I can't hold on to anyone and anything. Only God can complete me. Only God can make me whole. Not my Papa, not my Mom, not Lolo Kito, not Lola Febe, not Rianne, not Rhyss, and not even Carlo. Only God can give me peace and joy. Not my friends, not my church, not my work, not even Carlo's loyalty and love.

I've been in pain for quite sometime. I am hurting. But God always sustains me. The best thing I learned....?

Things here on earth are fleeting. They are just temporary. It's meaningless.
What matters is what lies ahead. What's in store for me when God will say, "Come home my child".

Yes, I have cried so much...much more than I had ever cried in my 30 years of existence. Yes, I have asked God to take all these away from me, I am getting worn out...but I know, God will always make me emerge victorious. My Father has gone before me. He has equipt me to win this battle. I thank God for I am no longer fighting for victory...Jesus won the battle for me. And all I need to do now is claim my inheritance.

Yes indeed...these shall all pass. I thank God for I wasn't only called, but chosen. I will be joyful in affliction because I look forward to what God has in store for me. I am His...and I know that He loves me so much.

What would you do if...?

Forgive.
Love.
Move on.
Trust.
Have Faith.

Thank you God for I am more than what the eyes can see.
Thank you God for I am special.
Thank you for only in You can I find my security.
Thank you for only You can complete me and make me whole.

No matter how rough the road may be, God always go before us, and always prepares us for the inevitable. A time for purging. Our God is a God in and out of seasons.

Family is...

Papa Carlo, Mama Kit, and son Rhyss.

Nobody calls my husband Daddy. Nobody calls herself Mommy.

Only Rhyss, Carlo and Me.

I'm the proudest ate!

http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20080318-125344/Its-a-new-season

Holy Week

Holy week. We're not going home.
I'm not looking forward to going home.
I'm sad. I want to sulk at home.

I miss Lolo Kito. I miss Lola Febe.
I miss Papa. I miss Mama.

I miss spending time with them.
I simply miss them...

To be a wife...

Lord, thank you for my inheritance is a sweet and happy marriage. Thank you for you are the third strand in our marriage.

Thank you for you allowed Carlo and I to grow in you. Thank you for not allowing anything to destroy our marriage. Thank you for instilling in us the right fear in you. Thank you Father for the joy that you have given. Thank you for you reign supreme and sovereign over and above our marriage.

Give us the grace to walk with you, to be faithful to you, to love you with all our hearts. I pray that you will always be number one in our hearts. Only you can complete us Lord God. I pray that Rhyss will grow up seeing us love each other more.

Lord, help me to be always the wife you described in Proverbs 31:10-12. Help me be a crown to my husband's head, and a garland around the neck of my son.

Give me the grace to always stand by my husband, to faithfully pray for him and to see him in the eyes of faith. Yes, I will not let the enemy gain a foothold into our marriage. I will not allow anything to destroy my marriage. I will not stand by and watch my husband be wearied, beaten down, or destroyed. I will not sit idle while an invisible wall goes up between us. I will not allow confusion, miscommunication, wrong attitudes, and bad choices to erode what we are trying to build together. I will not tolerate hurt and unforgiveness that will lead us to separate. Lord I believe that we can take a stand against any negative influences in our marriage and know that You, O God, has given us authority in Your Name to back it up.

Thank you Lord for you are our God.

Yes God, I will obey and be the wife you want me to be.

Dear Mama,

I miss you more everyday. I know you are in a place where there's no more crying, no more problems, no more issues. I believe you are enjoying (such an understatement I guess) every second. I am just so glad you are happy now.

I always thank God for you Mama...and thank you for being such a wonderful Mom.

Until now, I am still awed at your strength and wisdom.

I've been through so much pain but your memory keeps me going. Thank you for you shared your life to me. Thank you for being such a wonderful Mom. Thank you for always telling me to be happy...problems come and go and I should not be defeated by my own worries. You had much more troubles than I, more problems than I had...but you were always strong. I have never seen you cry.

I miss you so much Mama...

Love you always,

Christine

Proverbs 31:10-12

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Death is so sudden
Pain is inevitable
Joy is a choice
Faith rises
Character is built up
Peace is only from God
Grace is sufficient

Lola Febe, 87 years old, Gastric Cancer

my thoughts

I have this book - "How to forgive when you don't feel like it"...Rhyss saw it. After reading the title said, "Ma, I like this book! So, this is what you and Rianne did to the one who killed mommy?!?". I hope Rhyss will learn that it is through God's grace that we forgive and love.

"Ni, di met makapagnan toy umay mangbisita knyak", Lola Febe on Lola Nena when Lola Nena and Lolo Ben visited her at home. Lola is weak, can't eat, on dextrose and already wearing diaper because it is hard for her to get up already but she still thinks properly. She's still very much interested on news, current events, the goings on in my life, Rhyss' and Rianne's. My prayer is that she will not feel any pain. She's 87, turning 88 on May 18. Thank God there is Auntie Edna, Auntie Reina, Sheldy, Auntie Iling, Auntie Belen, Irwin and Flor, Auntie Virgie, and friends.

I am Felicidad Picar's panganay. I did not get the green bag we submitted with still Mama's things intact. That green bag is missing. They don't know where it went after it was examined in the crime lab. It walked on its own?

Seven year itch, spiced by pictures in Kyria's site, Zariah aka Carla, "coffee bonding" at Ionic Cafe, lying, nagging, finger-pointing, betrayal. One time we were watching, Rhyss told Carlo, Papa, you're "Palos" (the new soap in ABS-CBN)!. "Really, why, is he gwapo, is he smart and brave too?" I asked. Papa is Palos...PALUSOT! I have nothing to do with it, ok?

I'm so sick and tired of politics in the office. I'm not happy now. I know, I can do more, I can do better than what they are asking me to do. I want to manage my own business. I want to be an event's coordinator.

2008 Faith Goals

Cluster A
1. Be completely debt-free
2. House and lot in Baguio City (for the long-term, 2-door apartment)
3. Family business
4. Justice for mama's death
5. Healing for Rhyss
6. No pain for Lola Febe
7. Salvation of people close to me
8. Growth in the small group (leaders' group too)
9. Promotion for Carlo and I
10. Excellence for Rianne, Rhyss and I in school

Cluster B
1. Rich generosity
2. See people in the eyes of faith
3. Forgive, forgive, forgive!
4. Be a blessing
5. Be an encouragement
6. Be faithful in everything
7. Be a woman of (super) Integrity
8. A wife to Carlo, mom to Rhyss, ate to Rianne
9. Get (actively) involved in ministry (intercessory and/or multi-media)
10. More friends in church

Cluster C
1. Correl set
2. Cookware (don't know the name - glass, which can also serve as a bowl)
3. Go out of the country (either Thailand, China, Singapore, Malaysia)
4. Have vacation down south (either Davao, Cebu, Palawan, Bohol)
5. Computer chair
6. Gym/Badminton sessions for me and Carlo
7. Kumon/Violin classes for Rhyss
8. Big fat savings
9. Swatch and/or Guess watch/es
10. Comforter Sets

Happy New Year!

2007 was a very challenging year for us...

2008 will be equally challenging...fight for justice for mama's death; Lola Febe's gastric cancer at 87 years old; Rhyss' obstructive sleep apnea caused by his tonsils (size is as big as that of a 10 year-old)...

I don't know, but I feel so numb...but thank God for His grace. It is more than enough.

I miss them so much - Mama, Papa, Lolo Kito...seeing Lola in pain made it more painful...seeing Lolo Rico helpless makes it equally harder.

But God is the God of seasons. He will see us through...and everything written in the Bible, every promise spoken will come to pass. I feel in my heart that God will do wonders, greater things and I thank God I am not going through these things alone. I thank God He is holding me in the palm of his hand.

The Lord loves my family more than I do. He knows what He is doing.

So what am I going to do now? ...yes, I will be faithful, I will obey, I will go forth and tell of God's goodness and grace.

Indeed my God is faithful. I see prosperity in 2008...I see His grace being poured out in our lives...I feel His peace....I feel joy...I feel God move in every way. Yes, God is good, all the time...and all the time, God is good.

Dear Mama,

I miss you more and more everyday. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I miss your presence. I wish you're here to talk to me. There are things I believe that only you can put a stop to. I miss texting you, "Mama, arayat!"...and you will always give me a call. I miss your picture on my phone. Yes, it sounds so silly, but I ring my phone once in a while just to see your picture. Yes, in seven days, it's going to be my 30th birthday. I wish you're still here. I'm going to miss your surprise gift this Christmas. I will miss your pancit. I love you Mama. I miss you so much!!!

Sad but happy...tired but at peace

I still feel so tired...I was on the road for almost five days...include two days before those travels without sleep.

I attended the hearing for the first time...it was like going through August 6, 2007 again. The same story from the witness that I read and re-read, heard a hundred times over...but it was like listening to the story of how my Mom died for the first time.

I am really so grateful that the witness stood up to the truth...

...oh well, it was my first time...somebody even accused us of not wanting to cooperate because we are born-again...ha ha ha...they did not even call us kaya!

...and then came Lola.

87 years old, internal bleeding caused by a tumor in her tummy.

Oh well, she doesn't like to undergo operation. She's old she said. But she has two wishes - for her to see Rianne graduate in Law School and for me to have another baby. He he he. Lola is so funny even during crisis.

I praise God for His grace...it is always more than enough. Even under stress, under pressure, even if faced with problems, I can still feel his peace. God is really good.

I saw a friend yesterday and she really told me "nakakabilib kayong magkapatid. you are so strong"...Yes, we are strong because our God is living and faithful.

"Though war break out against me, even then will I be confident...".

God is good all the time...
All the time, God is good!

My memories of Christmas

1. Papa waking me up very early, greeting me happy birthday;
2. Papa's stories on how he was fixing the windows in the bedroom the day I was born;
3. My plans of not having a birthday party, with Mama agreeing, but at 3pm, she will always have plenty of food ready on the table;
4. Mama's surprises;
5. Lolo Kito's and Lola Febe's excitement everytime they open gifts from Rianne and I;
6. Auntie Edna always missing on Christmas day;
7. Mama's pansit and kankanen;
8. Mama's story the day I was born;
9. Rianne's cheap but memorable birthday gifts;
10. Exchanging gifts with Auntie Reina;
11. Bonfire in the "compound";
12. Papa watching;
13. Last minute grocery with Mama;
14. Carlo's surprise appearance a year before we got married;
15. Watching Rianne open gifts of Mama.

It's so nice to be a child. I miss being one...
I am blessed to have a family like mine, who saw to it that I have a happy and memorable childhood, despite our being imperfect.
I miss Papa, I miss Mama, I miss Lolo Kito...but I always cherish the memories I have of them...

I will also see to it that Rhyss will have the best memories in his childhood...more than the good memories I had as a child

The Rapids

Be still.
Enjoy the cold breeze
The backdrop of the blue sky
The hovering birds
The freshness of green.

The rushing water
The angry rapids
Hold on tight
Your knuckles turn white.

Sweat.
Breathe heavily
Row hard with the blue paddle
Careful not to hit the large sharp rocks
Don't topple down on the icy water.

Race.
Have sheer strong faith in the man at the helm.
Faith in yourself.
Patience.
Hope.
Win!

by Christine
edited by Rianne

I Chronicles 4:9-10

Oh that you would bless me indeed, and enlarge my territory, that Your hand would be with me, and that you would keep me from evil.

My Kalinga Experience

I had fun and adventure in Kalinga. I don't know how to swim, I don't even know how to paddle...in fact, I am afraid of the water.

This was our boat - "Allasiw". I was with the best paddlers and swimmers, that there was really no need for me to paddle but hold on and pray hard that I will not fall down. Thanks to Sir Rene, Kuya Jun, Ma'am Marlyn and our tour guides, Kuya John and "Marine" (I forgot to get his name. But I will call him "Marine" because he graduated as seaman).

The boat almost flipped three times. I couldn't talk. I could not even shout...I don't know how many rapids we had to hurdle. Too many times, I asked our guides if we were already halfway through, if there was another way out, if there was a motor boat where I don't need to paddle and row.

But I am really so grateful, we went through the 3-hour rafting experience without falling, tripping, etc. Two boats flipped. The first group fell down but were able to climb back. A second group fell down, some hit the rocks, got hurt; while some drank to much water from the Chico River. Good for me, I was not able to see it (Good for us, we were saving the paddles from the first boat that fell down). But all went well and everybody enjoyed and treasured the experience. Some really wanted to give up and walk but there was really no way out but continue rafting.

That was some experience!!! But I learned what teamwork is with the experience; following the right instructions, listening to the leader, being united and obedience.

I enjoyed the experience the way I enjoyed entering the caves of Sagada...but in the process, I really miss sharing it with my Mom.

November 1, 2007

Tomorrow, I will go to the cemetery for the first time...since Mama's death.
I refused to go there. I did not even go there when they were constructing it.
A form of denial I guess.

Part of me still feels that I can still go home to Bauang, see her, tell stories, watch her prepare what special food she has for us, remove her white hairs, have her massage my head...

But...

Halsema Highway...milking cow of the privileged?

For a change, I am writing on a different topic.

I read the Midland Courier every sunday and I just don't feel comfortable with all the write ups about Mountain Province, specifically the Halsema Highway.

Like what Senator Miriam Santiago said, "pinag-aawayan nyo lang ang mga kickback nyo!"

Since I started travelling Halsema Highway in 1999, I see little improvement in the Mountain Province area. While the Benguet side is already paved and done with, the Mountain Province area is still the same "old rugged road".

Even with no articles in the Midland, even with no exposes, common sense will tell us that the Halsema Highway is the milking cow of the privileged. It is a perfect example of "corruption to the highest level". I have seen the studies done in the area, read it, and it is really so disgusting.

The paid ad about Juniper Dominguez...attacking his personality, telling everyone he is an ex-convict, etc...what does it have to do with his exposes on the Halsema Highway corruption? Personalan naman na to the highest level! Who are those who signed in the manifesto anyway? Can they say they are the most righteous contractors in Mountain Province? Can they say that they are more Honorable than Juniper Dominguez because they did not spend a single day in prison? Are they trying to say that ex convicts cannot be trusted? Can't they live changed lives? I believe...Juniper Dominguez is more honorable than them.

During the last elections, so much has been heard again about Mountain Province. I believe the bickerings is not political in nature. It is not even about the Anglican church...I think it is all about money. The contratas they can get. Who gets favored and how they are favored. Truth hurts.

Ineh! Mama, datusa an ipugao ay mangpakpakaan ken sak-en idi wada ak ed Sabangan. I see familiar names and signatures in the manifesto. People who called me Kulityagang. People who tried to initiate to oust me from Mountain Province because I am an Ilocano.

Now, with what you are doing, are you bringing glory or shame to Mountain Province?

Do I really have to?

Press conference?
I don't like it. For what?
Tell everyone I am grieving?
What for? Tell them Mama's death was politically motivated?
What else do I have to tell them?
That no lawyer would want to take on the case because they are afraid?
That whoever is interested to take on the case, is, in one way or the other, connected with the mastermind?
What else do people want to know, that they want to hear directly from me?

This is the only thing I want to say right now, and it is better if I don't go to those press conferences:

I am so disgusted. I am so dismayed...to the highest level.
They do not deserve their salary.
The "honorable" attached to their name should be "DISHONORABLE".
The title they worked so hard to get for eight long years, they do not deserve to have. Money is all that they wanted.
The system needs overhauling.

One day, soon...all their riches will be mine.
All that they have now, all they are holding on to right now, will go to nothing. It will be thrown in the pit.
One day, soon...they will realize, all power belongs to God.
Justice and vindication is in God's hands.

I will wait on God's justice and vindication.

I don't want to attend press conferences.
I don't want to attend rallies.

What for?
Forgiving everyday is already a struggle.
Get real.

I am not voting...yet

On October 29, 2007, many will be voting for the Barangay Elections. My Lolo Kito's brother is running for Barangay Captain in Sobredillo, where I vote. I would want to vote for him...but I have already decided not to vote since last month.

Not yet, that is. I don't know if I will vote...ever again. Maybe...but not in my hometown...anymore...i think. I don't know. I'm not really sure. Mama's death is still too painful.

I lost faith in it? Maybe. But I am not losing hope.

I am hoping that one day, a new breed of leaders will be seating. Not the politicians who are holding office, who are only after their own gains. Not "leaders" who will have people killed for their own ends. Not "leaders" who only enrich themselves. Not "leaders" who are so hungry for power.

In my lifetime, I would also like to see leaders who are really leaders. Leaders who respect the lives and the rights of their constituents. Leaders who fear God...who really fear God...as in truly fear God.

I hope....I am praying for it.

Thank God!

I thank God for friends
I thank God for my Victory Christian Fellowship family
I thank God for Rianne
I thank God for Rhyss
I thank God for Carlo
I thank God for my TESDA-CAR family
I thank God for Jazel, Ate Kit, Ate Marife, Ate Daisy
I thank God for Homer's family who cares so much about my sister
I thank God for my small group - Kat, Aileen, Katrina, Ate Annie, Ate Janisal,
Ate Marie, Ate Gilda, Sarah
I thank God for my UP-IM friends
I thank God for Rianne's blockmates
I thank God for the Intercessory ministry
I thank God for Ate Julieta and Pastor Julius, Ate Rosy and Pastor Lino, Ate
Roselle, Perps, Ate Leila and Kuya Romy, Ate Kit and Kuya Jigs
I thank God for Ate Pia and Pastor Mike
I thank God for Lemuel
I thank God for Auntie Edna and Auntie Reina
I thank God for Uncle Aldong
I thank God for Lola Febe
I thank God for the Las-Ud family
I thank God for UCCP-Caba
I thank God for LGU-Bauang
I thank God for Sir Bobby and Ma'am Ruth Jo
I thank God for SPO1 Bernadette and Leo
I thank God for Manang Violy and Manong Danny
I thank God for Manang Maritess and Manong Tirso
I thank God for Manang Soling
I thank God for Manong Vic and Milyong
I thank God for Auntie Fe and her family and Auntie Tita
I thank God for the privilege of being raised up by Papa and Mama and for the
privilege being taken cared of by Lolo Kito
I thank God for everything that I am going through. I thank God for His grace.
I thank God for showing us favor. I thank God for He is sooo real.

I miss you mama!

Dear Ma, I am missing you so much. I still cannot sleep at night.
There is a pain I can't describe everytime I remember you.
I miss your phone calls every night.
You, knocking on the gate on a weekend.
You and I and Rhyss malling.
I miss texting you in the morning when I have to cook something I like but don't know how to.
Our "collaboration" against Rianne everytime she "breaks-up" with Homer.
It's silly but I ring your phone just to see your picture on my phone.
I wish I could remove your white hairs again.
I wish to hear your voice again.

Much as we want to fight for you, I get frustrated
The battle is tough. So tough that all I want to do now is wait on God's justice.
But praise God, in Him we have hope.
It really takes GRACE to forgive everyday, love, stand in faith.
I know you are happy where you are now.
But I really miss you sooooo much.

I know I love you. I know we're close.
But it was only when you were gone that I realized that you are one great source of my strength.
You are tough yet so gentle.
Remember how you were touched when I wrote you a letter that I could never be half as you are?
Yes...I could never be half as you are. I could never be strong, patient, kind, generous and loving as you are...but I really thank God for giving me a mother like you.
I miss you so much mama.
I love you very much.

http://gonewiththewave.blogspot.com/2007/09/he-killed-her.html

A Prayer with Jazel: Lord, Criminal Lawyer Please!

Father, thank you for your grace which never ceases to amaze us
We thank you that we always have hope in You
at this time, we hold fast to the truth that You are a just God
We are entering an unfamiliar ball game
We don't know whom to approach, we don't know who's on our side, we really don't know anything
but what is comforting is we have You on our side
Father, send Christine and her family to the right people who could help them
help us discern which decisions to make
We can't do this on ourselves, direct us to the right contacts, right people, at the right time
and when all these will be done, may the people around us know that You are God
we know that You are using this situation for Your divine purpose, we ask that You be ahead of us in the battle
we pray specifically for the talk of &&&&&& with Atty. &&&&&& this afternoon
we commit all the decisions that they will have to do to You
may the result be one that pleases You
give them wisdom Father, and may integrity prevail
in Jesus' name, Amen.

Lost?

Numb...sometimes I can't cry. The pain and the hurt is just so big and overwhelming no amount of tears can express it...


Unfocused...I have been consistently absent since I reported for work, unable to meet deadlines (I am not as fast and efficient). Rhyss has a total of 4 tardy marks in his handbook, forgotten 6x to put his snacks in his bag, forgotten n times to put his water jug for school, missed to check on his assignments a lot of times, failed to review him for quizzes several times. I failed to make 2 reaction papers in my Finance class...because I have this tendency to just stare in space...


Paranoid...I want to say "damn" all those people who are making it even harder for me. I want to say "the hell with them"...Meanwhile, I want to blacklist these numbers on my phone - 09219798078, 09282782916, 09215437813 - If you have nothing good to say, don't call or text. Get lost! I have nothing to do with you.


Hurt...too much!


Accused...maybe? I don't know...


Used...in a way?


Loved...so much.

My God is a big God!

I have every reason to feel worried, discouraged and frustrated. But I will trust in my God. I will never let them steal my peace and my joy.

Though war breaks out against me, even then will I be confident. I will be secured because my God is sovereign. My God is a big God. There is no one like Him.

How powerful are these people that everyone cringe upon hearing their name? Who are they that they are feared so much? How rich are they that they can buy everything? Are they gods? Is justice for the rich only?

But God said in Proverbs 29:16, When the wicked thrive, so does sin, but the righteous will see their downfall. I still have faith in my God. He is the same God that Abraham, Moses and Isaac worshipped. The same God who brought the Israelites out of Egypt. The same God who parted the red sea. The same God who helped David defeat Goliath. The same God that Paul obeyed and preached.

My God is a big God. My God is greater. There is always a day of reckoning. Who can escape his justice? Can they outgive God? NO. Can they buy God? NO. For me, the Lord is to be feared, not man. Vindication comes from God. Justice comes from Him alone. (Proverbs 29:26 Many seek an audience with a ruler, but it is from the Lord that man gets justice).

There is no Lawyer yet. We don't have money to pursue the case. I do fear for my family's safety. But God is a righteous God. He is faithful. God's word will come to pass.

What can I do now? I will sit back, relax. Pray. Trust God. Honor God. Advance His kingdom.

STOP!!!!

I don't like it. Why are some people so insensitive? Can't they understand it?
Do I need to tell them and remind them all the time that I am grieving?!?!
How dare them tell me they have sleepless nights thinking and working over my Mama's case...What do they think? What do they know? Do they mean to say, I am having sweet sleep at night, go out feeling safe, happy?

She is my mother. I am the daughter. How long did they work and live with my Mom? They only came to know about her when she got killed. Do they have memories together?!?!?

I am also having sleepless nights. I cry all the time. I think of her all the time. Every part of me cries out for her. I miss her so much. I LOST MY MOM. MY SISTER AND I ARE NOW ORPHANED...

Do they think I am happy? I do not even feel safe anymore. They usually shrug off threats...then what?!?! I get paranoid every time somebody knocks at our gate, everytime somebody is sitting at the waiting shade texting, everytime somebody stare at me on the jeep, everytime somebody sells something to me...what? Does it even matter to them if I receive texts from people I do not know? What?

Stop forcing me to do the things I do not like. The last time you forced me to do something I do not want to do, my blood pressure went up for three days...did you care?

Stop forcing me to do the things I do not like. The last time you forced me to do something I do not want to do, my cellphone never ceased to receive texts from people I do not know...did you care?

Much as I want to attain justice for my Mom, I also want my peace. I also want the safety of the people who matters to me...

Another death in the family is unbearable...

Stop calling me. Stop forcing me to attend all those... it never did me good.

Am I the source of evidences? Am I the source of documents? Am I the source of information?

What do I have to tell the people? I AM SAD. I AM GRIEVING. I MISS MY MOTHER. I WANT THE GUNMAN AND THE PERSON BEHIND THIS PUT IN JAIL. From August 6, 2007 until now, that is what I feel. Do I need to tell everyone everyday? remind them everyday?

Please, some respect!!!

I thank you for all the efforts to pin down the culprits. But I am not the investigator. I have my life too. I have to move on. And if you really care enough, then you should also learn to at least protect us...give us time to grieve also. Just give me time to at least put things into track...

Of course I am grateful for all the efforts. But please!!!

Your grace is sufficient for me...

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Politicians vs. Leaders

I'm supposed to say politicians stinks...but of course not everyone.

There is a big difference between being a politician and being a leader.

A leader, who is in politics, is somebody who stands by the people. Upholds the people's rights and works for the best of the community, benefitting the constituents.

A politicking politician is somebody who harass people, who stand by what he thinks will benefit him the most, use people to achieve the things he wants.

When are we going to have more real leaders? Leaders who will stand by God's word, people who will stand up for what is right, people with integrity, people who are committed and courageous.

Is there hope?

Yes there is.

Right now I am praying for La Union and Mountain Province.

Oh Mom!

Everywhere I go, everything I see, reminds me of you...I try so hard to go to SM but every nook reminds me of the good times we had...how you craved for food, your coffee breaks at Starbucks...

Even Rhyss cried when we went to SM last Sunday...Jollibbee, McDonalds, KFC...he miss you so much...

I always try ringing your phone, with the hope that you will answer...then we can giggle together on the phone...talk about Rhyss, talk about Rianne's make-believe break ups...I'm always expecting your text in the morning, at night time...

"Uban sessions" in the afternoon...Watch ballroom dancing on tv Saturday evenings...

Mama, I miss you so much...

Psalm 27:1-6

The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?

When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.

Though an army beseige me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will be confident.

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.

For in the day of trouble, he will keep me safe in his dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at His tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord.

God's Amazing Grace

God is indeed faithful and true. I have experienced God's enabling grace...it is really sufficient.

Rianne and I went through a lot of pain but God saw us through...and as my sister's encouragement to me - God is holding us at the palm of His hand.

Psalm 37:25

"I was young, and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread."

God provided for everything we could ever ask for. He has given people to take care of us...peope we don't know being mindful of us. People we met for the first time telling us how good Mama was to them and how they like to do things for us in honor of our Mom...yes, we reap what we sow. And whatever we sow, it's not only us who will reap but our children (and even our children's children as well).

Psalm 116:15"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints."

I Corinthians 15:55-58

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?

The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.

But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Yes, Mama was more than prepared. She was more than excited to meet God. We know, she is already walking in streets of gold and we can just imagine her excitement, her gladness, her peace, her joy as she worships and honors God.

I Peter 3:9

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

Hard as it may seem, it was really God's enabling grace that gave me and Rianne the strength to talk to the gunman, prayed for him and forgave him. It was God's kindness and compassion. Mama's death seasoned us also and I believe, He has prepared our hearts and character to face such a difficult circumstance. He has enabled us to forgive according to His grace. And I know, we made Mama proud...knowing her, she would always say, "Bay-amun anak ko. Amu amin ni Apo Diyos dayta. Isuna ti makaammun".

Psalm 126:3-6

Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.

God has given us peace all throughout. He is carrying us through this difficult time. Losing Papa nine years ago was already painful. But losing Mama now - in such a way - is really "devastating". But I thank God for His grace is sufficient. I thank God for His love. I thank God for He is the God of justice. I thank God for He is our vindicator.

Isaiah 66:13

As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.

God is a big God. We miss our Mom so much. We miss Papa so much. But God can comfort us and embrace us, more than Mama and Papa did. He loves us more than Mama and Papa loved us.

We were so privileged to be raised by Mama and Papa in such a short time. Two people I owe my life to. Raised me up to be the person I am now.

Yes, I will raise my son in such a way that I will also be a crown to my husband's head and a blessing to my son...

I may not be half the person Mama was...I may not have half of the strength she had...but I am still her daughter...and I have God on my side....

I got robbed but there are still so many things I want to thank God for:

- the robber did not get my ATMs (including that of Carlo);
- the robber left me with some coins - enough for me to go to town and withdraw.
- the robber did not get any of my IDs, planners, notebooks, calling cards
- the robber did not get any of my USBs
- the robber only got my bag, no more no less (my cellphone and keys, were not in my bag)
- the robber just forced open the windows, not the doors
- Rhyss and I slept heavily with the lights turned on.

We are living in a compound. I am really wondering where the bad guys went in. All gates and doors were secured...locked...whatever they call it. I just like to think, the robber needs the money more than I need it.

Wannabees

I have been working for (or with) the government since 1998. Coming from an NGO, it was totally a different "thing" for me to work for the government - organizational culture, system, process, etc.

My first exposure was in the LGU. They're nice people. But you can never get away with politics. They question your every move, why you got an appointment, who's backing you up...it is like being in a small community.

Then I joined a national line agency. I wanted to back out then because there were so many intrigues. I was a neophyte, with so-so months of experience. There are staff who spent most of their lives with the organization and believed so much that they are the best for the position but never wanted to go to neverland...'was assigned to neverland, where people did not want Ilocanos and other races, where the "law of the land" will call you "kulityagang" (meaning moron, doesn't know anything, someone who has no respect, and all kinds of stuff you wouldn't want yourself being called) if you are not from neverland (but calls Ilocanos racist, bias, lookest down on them. Blah! the irony!). Hey, they even passed resolutions to evict me from neverland. Name it, they had it. (But of course, they could not evict me anymore because I got married with someone from neverland. Haha! And the "law of the land" my husband calls grandparents.)

Now that was my past experience...

Now I'm 8 years old in government service.

I have seen the best and the worst.

I got so disappointed recently. Imagine someone applying for a supervisory position, taking the exam for granted, undergoing interview texting and ending up with a comment like being the victim? Whaaaat?

Then coming up with all the accommodations so as to meet the minimum point requirement, then misinterpreting it to be "pagpapahirap". Whaaat?

...then spreading it to people who, obviously, do not believe in what the committee stands for.

When you do something right, they misinterpret it to be wrong. When you do something wrong, either they adore you or you get a complaint.

But how far will you go to get the position you want? That when disgruntled, unprofessionalism surfaces, "personalan" creeps in.

What I am pointing out now is, in the government, there should be a clear system and procedure in promotion and selection. The appointing head should not harass the committee specially if it is implementing the process accordingly.

Dissapointing really.

Password

I really had a hard time figuring out my password here...now I have it...I can start posting again. :)

Yuan

Yuan is my cousin Irwin's and Flor's first baby.
My nephew that I never got to see.
A beautiful child I heard.
I was quite expecting another addition in the family this Christmas
But Yuan will never spend Christmas with us.
I still feel so heavy everytime I think of what they went through
But everything has a purpose
I believe God will bless Irwin and Flor another baby
In God's own perfect timing and will.

Rhyss, the bearer of good tidings

Anak, your ninang is getting married already.

Really? Why, they like to stay together forever na?

Yes. How did you know that?

Because I know it.

I will go but you stay here at home, ok?

Why, I will not (hums the wedding march and acts out as ring bearer)?

No baby, because ninang has nephews like you.

Why, she doesn't like to get me?

No anak, but ninang has nephews who will

do the part.

Ok!

The Heart of Parenting

This, I've got to attend.

God's goodness

I have so often experienced lack for the past few years but not as much as I did for the past few weeks. But I thank God for the experience, for without it, I could not have seen His abundance. I learned to count my blessings instead of wishing I have this and that. I learned to keep still. To trust in Him. I learned what to be in faith means.

Despite the lack, God taught me and Carlo to give generously. I believe, as He has prepared and is preparing people to bless us, He will also prepare us to bless others.

Oh Rhyss!

Things I will never forget about my baby:

In Nursery, they were asked to do some chores in school. Holding a broom, he called for Anie who was waiting for him. "Anie, can you help me?" Then Teacher Flamcy saw him calling for Anie and immediately went back inside the classroom.

***

There was a spare 3310 at home. We told him it's his, so we can call him. One afternoon, when Anie was fixing his beret before going to school, the cellphone fell down from his head. He literally hid the cellphone in his beret! "What's this Rhys?" asked Anie. Then he said, "Oh its there? I forgot to remove it!"

***

It was 9:30 in the evening. "I'm hungry again!" "Don't eat anymore," I said. "You're going to bed already. Just drink your milk." "I don't like milk." "Then drink water." "But I can't chew the water!"

***

"Rianne, you call me when you have a problem, ok? But not in my cellphone. Call me in Caba. "

***

Rhyss, you did not give your offering?

No, because if I give it, I don't have money anymore.

You have! That's your offering, you should have given it. Anak, if you give to God, it will be given back to you a hundred fold.

But I don't have money.

You have anak.

(Then I showed him his bankbook where he has his name on it.)

Uh! That's my name! I thought don't have. Ok ma, I give it next Sunday.

***

7 Years...

It's been quite a while. I have planned to work for the agency I am in for five years only. Now, I've spent almost seven years with the organization already.

I plan to go into something this year...God willing.

I really want to go into...a dream I had since I was 20. I hope I really can make it.

It's been a long time since I last posted here.

I received some e-mails re: my blog and I didn't have the time to answer.

Thanks and sorry!

Be careful not to pay a high price for this world's bargains in exchange for what is worth keeping.