Wednesday, September 26, 2007

I miss you mama!

Dear Ma, I am missing you so much. I still cannot sleep at night.
There is a pain I can't describe everytime I remember you.
I miss your phone calls every night.
You, knocking on the gate on a weekend.
You and I and Rhyss malling.
I miss texting you in the morning when I have to cook something I like but don't know how to.
Our "collaboration" against Rianne everytime she "breaks-up" with Homer.
It's silly but I ring your phone just to see your picture on my phone.
I wish I could remove your white hairs again.
I wish to hear your voice again.

Much as we want to fight for you, I get frustrated
The battle is tough. So tough that all I want to do now is wait on God's justice.
But praise God, in Him we have hope.
It really takes GRACE to forgive everyday, love, stand in faith.
I know you are happy where you are now.
But I really miss you sooooo much.

I know I love you. I know we're close.
But it was only when you were gone that I realized that you are one great source of my strength.
You are tough yet so gentle.
Remember how you were touched when I wrote you a letter that I could never be half as you are?
Yes...I could never be half as you are. I could never be strong, patient, kind, generous and loving as you are...but I really thank God for giving me a mother like you.
I miss you so much mama.
I love you very much.

Monday, September 10, 2007

A Prayer with Jazel: Lord, Criminal Lawyer Please!

Father, thank you for your grace which never ceases to amaze us
We thank you that we always have hope in You
at this time, we hold fast to the truth that You are a just God
We are entering an unfamiliar ball game
We don't know whom to approach, we don't know who's on our side, we really don't know anything
but what is comforting is we have You on our side
Father, send Christine and her family to the right people who could help them
help us discern which decisions to make
We can't do this on ourselves, direct us to the right contacts, right people, at the right time
and when all these will be done, may the people around us know that You are God
we know that You are using this situation for Your divine purpose, we ask that You be ahead of us in the battle
we pray specifically for the talk of &&&&&& with Atty. &&&&&& this afternoon
we commit all the decisions that they will have to do to You
may the result be one that pleases You
give them wisdom Father, and may integrity prevail
in Jesus' name, Amen.

Wednesday, September 05, 2007


Numb...sometimes I can't cry. The pain and the hurt is just so big and overwhelming no amount of tears can express it...

Unfocused...I have been consistently absent since I reported for work, unable to meet deadlines (I am not as fast and efficient). Rhyss has a total of 4 tardy marks in his handbook, forgotten 6x to put his snacks in his bag, forgotten n times to put his water jug for school, missed to check on his assignments a lot of times, failed to review him for quizzes several times. I failed to make 2 reaction papers in my Finance class...because I have this tendency to just stare in space...

Paranoid...I want to say "damn" all those people who are making it even harder for me. I want to say "the hell with them"...Meanwhile, I want to blacklist these numbers on my phone - 09219798078, 09282782916, 09215437813 - If you have nothing good to say, don't call or text. Get lost! I have nothing to do with you.

Hurt...too much!

Accused...maybe? I don't know... a way? much.

Monday, September 03, 2007

My God is a big God!

I have every reason to feel worried, discouraged and frustrated. But I will trust in my God. I will never let them steal my peace and my joy.

Though war breaks out against me, even then will I be confident. I will be secured because my God is sovereign. My God is a big God. There is no one like Him.

How powerful are these people that everyone cringe upon hearing their name? Who are they that they are feared so much? How rich are they that they can buy everything? Are they gods? Is justice for the rich only?

But God said in Proverbs 29:16, When the wicked thrive, so does sin, but the righteous will see their downfall. I still have faith in my God. He is the same God that Abraham, Moses and Isaac worshipped. The same God who brought the Israelites out of Egypt. The same God who parted the red sea. The same God who helped David defeat Goliath. The same God that Paul obeyed and preached.

My God is a big God. My God is greater. There is always a day of reckoning. Who can escape his justice? Can they outgive God? NO. Can they buy God? NO. For me, the Lord is to be feared, not man. Vindication comes from God. Justice comes from Him alone. (Proverbs 29:26 Many seek an audience with a ruler, but it is from the Lord that man gets justice).

There is no Lawyer yet. We don't have money to pursue the case. I do fear for my family's safety. But God is a righteous God. He is faithful. God's word will come to pass.

What can I do now? I will sit back, relax. Pray. Trust God. Honor God. Advance His kingdom.