Dear Mama,

I miss you more and more everyday. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say. I miss your presence. I wish you're here to talk to me. There are things I believe that only you can put a stop to. I miss texting you, "Mama, arayat!"...and you will always give me a call. I miss your picture on my phone. Yes, it sounds so silly, but I ring my phone once in a while just to see your picture. Yes, in seven days, it's going to be my 30th birthday. I wish you're still here. I'm going to miss your surprise gift this Christmas. I will miss your pancit. I love you Mama. I miss you so much!!!

Sad but happy...tired but at peace

I still feel so tired...I was on the road for almost five days...include two days before those travels without sleep.

I attended the hearing for the first time...it was like going through August 6, 2007 again. The same story from the witness that I read and re-read, heard a hundred times over...but it was like listening to the story of how my Mom died for the first time.

I am really so grateful that the witness stood up to the truth...

...oh well, it was my first time...somebody even accused us of not wanting to cooperate because we are born-again...ha ha ha...they did not even call us kaya!

...and then came Lola.

87 years old, internal bleeding caused by a tumor in her tummy.

Oh well, she doesn't like to undergo operation. She's old she said. But she has two wishes - for her to see Rianne graduate in Law School and for me to have another baby. He he he. Lola is so funny even during crisis.

I praise God for His grace...it is always more than enough. Even under stress, under pressure, even if faced with problems, I can still feel his peace. God is really good.

I saw a friend yesterday and she really told me "nakakabilib kayong magkapatid. you are so strong"...Yes, we are strong because our God is living and faithful.

"Though war break out against me, even then will I be confident...".

God is good all the time...
All the time, God is good!

My memories of Christmas

1. Papa waking me up very early, greeting me happy birthday;
2. Papa's stories on how he was fixing the windows in the bedroom the day I was born;
3. My plans of not having a birthday party, with Mama agreeing, but at 3pm, she will always have plenty of food ready on the table;
4. Mama's surprises;
5. Lolo Kito's and Lola Febe's excitement everytime they open gifts from Rianne and I;
6. Auntie Edna always missing on Christmas day;
7. Mama's pansit and kankanen;
8. Mama's story the day I was born;
9. Rianne's cheap but memorable birthday gifts;
10. Exchanging gifts with Auntie Reina;
11. Bonfire in the "compound";
12. Papa watching;
13. Last minute grocery with Mama;
14. Carlo's surprise appearance a year before we got married;
15. Watching Rianne open gifts of Mama.

It's so nice to be a child. I miss being one...
I am blessed to have a family like mine, who saw to it that I have a happy and memorable childhood, despite our being imperfect.
I miss Papa, I miss Mama, I miss Lolo Kito...but I always cherish the memories I have of them...

I will also see to it that Rhyss will have the best memories in his childhood...more than the good memories I had as a child