Thursday, August 30, 2007


I don't like it. Why are some people so insensitive? Can't they understand it?
Do I need to tell them and remind them all the time that I am grieving?!?!
How dare them tell me they have sleepless nights thinking and working over my Mama's case...What do they think? What do they know? Do they mean to say, I am having sweet sleep at night, go out feeling safe, happy?

She is my mother. I am the daughter. How long did they work and live with my Mom? They only came to know about her when she got killed. Do they have memories together?!?!?

I am also having sleepless nights. I cry all the time. I think of her all the time. Every part of me cries out for her. I miss her so much. I LOST MY MOM. MY SISTER AND I ARE NOW ORPHANED...

Do they think I am happy? I do not even feel safe anymore. They usually shrug off threats...then what?!?! I get paranoid every time somebody knocks at our gate, everytime somebody is sitting at the waiting shade texting, everytime somebody stare at me on the jeep, everytime somebody sells something to me...what? Does it even matter to them if I receive texts from people I do not know? What?

Stop forcing me to do the things I do not like. The last time you forced me to do something I do not want to do, my blood pressure went up for three days...did you care?

Stop forcing me to do the things I do not like. The last time you forced me to do something I do not want to do, my cellphone never ceased to receive texts from people I do not know...did you care?

Much as I want to attain justice for my Mom, I also want my peace. I also want the safety of the people who matters to me...

Another death in the family is unbearable...

Stop calling me. Stop forcing me to attend all those... it never did me good.

Am I the source of evidences? Am I the source of documents? Am I the source of information?

What do I have to tell the people? I AM SAD. I AM GRIEVING. I MISS MY MOTHER. I WANT THE GUNMAN AND THE PERSON BEHIND THIS PUT IN JAIL. From August 6, 2007 until now, that is what I feel. Do I need to tell everyone everyday? remind them everyday?

Please, some respect!!!

I thank you for all the efforts to pin down the culprits. But I am not the investigator. I have my life too. I have to move on. And if you really care enough, then you should also learn to at least protect us...give us time to grieve also. Just give me time to at least put things into track...

Of course I am grateful for all the efforts. But please!!!

Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Your grace is sufficient for me...

2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.

Politicians vs. Leaders

I'm supposed to say politicians stinks...but of course not everyone.

There is a big difference between being a politician and being a leader.

A leader, who is in politics, is somebody who stands by the people. Upholds the people's rights and works for the best of the community, benefitting the constituents.

A politicking politician is somebody who harass people, who stand by what he thinks will benefit him the most, use people to achieve the things he wants.

When are we going to have more real leaders? Leaders who will stand by God's word, people who will stand up for what is right, people with integrity, people who are committed and courageous.

Is there hope?

Yes there is.

Right now I am praying for La Union and Mountain Province.

Monday, August 27, 2007

Oh Mom!

Everywhere I go, everything I see, reminds me of you...I try so hard to go to SM but every nook reminds me of the good times we you craved for food, your coffee breaks at Starbucks...

Even Rhyss cried when we went to SM last Sunday...Jollibbee, McDonalds, KFC...he miss you so much...

I always try ringing your phone, with the hope that you will answer...then we can giggle together on the about Rhyss, talk about Rianne's make-believe break ups...I'm always expecting your text in the morning, at night time...

"Uban sessions" in the afternoon...Watch ballroom dancing on tv Saturday evenings...

Mama, I miss you so much...

Friday, August 24, 2007

Psalm 27:1-6

The Lord is my light and my salvation - whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life - of whom shall I be afraid?

When evil men advance against me to devour my flesh, when my enemies and my foes attack me, they will stumble and fall.

Though an army beseige me, my heart will not fear; though war break out against me, even then will be confident.

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek Him in His temple.

For in the day of trouble, he will keep me safe in his dwelling; He will hide me in the shelter of His tabernacle and set me high upon a rock.

Then my head will be exalted above the enemies who surround me; at His tabernacle will I sacrifice with shouts of joy; I will sing and make music to the Lord.

God's Amazing Grace

God is indeed faithful and true. I have experienced God's enabling is really sufficient.

Rianne and I went through a lot of pain but God saw us through...and as my sister's encouragement to me - God is holding us at the palm of His hand.
Psalm 37:25

"I was young, and now I am old, yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken or their children begging bread."

God provided for everything we could ever ask for. He has given people to take care of us...peope we don't know being mindful of us. People we met for the first time telling us how good Mama was to them and how they like to do things for us in honor of our Mom...yes, we reap what we sow. And whatever we sow, it's not only us who will reap but our children (and even our children's children as well).

Psalm 116:15"Precious in the sight of the Lord is the death of His saints."

I Corinthians 15:55-58

Where, O death, is your victory? Where, O death, is your sting?
The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.
But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

Yes, Mama was more than prepared. She was more than excited to meet God. We know, she is already walking in streets of gold and we can just imagine her excitement, her gladness, her peace, her joy as she worships and honors God.

I Peter 3:9

Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

Hard as it may seem, it was really God's enabling grace that gave me and Rianne the strength to talk to the gunman, prayed for him and forgave him. It was God's kindness and compassion. Mama's death seasoned us also and I believe, He has prepared our hearts and character to face such a difficult circumstance. He has enabled us to forgive according to His grace. And I know, we made Mama proud...knowing her, she would always say, "Bay-amun anak ko. Amu amin ni Apo Diyos dayta. Isuna ti makaammun".
Psalm 126:3-6
Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy. He who goes out weeping, carrying seed to sow, will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with him.
God has given us peace all throughout. He is carrying us through this difficult time. Losing Papa nine years ago was already painful. But losing Mama now - in such a way - is really "devastating". But I thank God for His grace is sufficient. I thank God for His love. I thank God for He is the God of justice. I thank God for He is our vindicator.
Isaiah 66:13
As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you.
God is a big God. We miss our Mom so much. We miss Papa so much. But God can comfort us and embrace us, more than Mama and Papa did. He loves us more than Mama and Papa loved us.
We were so privileged to be raised by Mama and Papa in such a short time. Two people I owe my life to. Raised me up to be the person I am now.
Yes, I will raise my son in such a way that I will also be a crown to my husband's head and a blessing to my son...
I may not be half the person Mama was...I may not have half of the strength she had...but I am still her daughter...and I have God on my side....