My knight in shining armor

I have so much work lately, no full time help, my husband out of the country, and my youngest sick. It was  like juggling all my roles altogether.  I felt so physically tired, emotionally burdened, and stressed. With that guilty feeling of leaving my children all on their own, my 13 year old taking care of his sick 5 year old brother while all his friends are on a grand vacation playing HOC.

My body finally gave in to  too much stress the other day. But my teenager just allowed me to sleep and rest, never complained, and took care of his ading even if it means depriving himself of sleep also. He waited until the schedule of his ading to take his medicine, and willingly administered his "banyos" because our little boy was still very hot at that time.

I am blessed to have a teenager as responsible as my son. So I will not anymore fear if he talks about how excited he is with being a teenager, with his adam's apple starting to show.

I just want to sit on a bench and watch the colors of fall...

Not too many people have the real gift of engaging in meaningful conversation. 

I never loose. I either win or learn.

Remembering you on your 61st

A sucker for travel and ballroom dancing, loves food and sleep, "seriously funny", richly generous, workaholic...I thank God for allowing me to experience 29 years of love, care, patience, and kindness from an incredibly strong and tough woman like my Mom.

Of sensitivity and compassion

If you cannot think of anything to say, better not say anything. 

I feel so much offended when people who are not close to me (and sometimes even those who I think are close to me) starts talking about my Mama's case with so much fanfare, asks me how the case went and start giving their comments, like it's just somebody they have read from the tabloids.  

Oftentimes I wish, I can slap them and remind them it's my Mama they are talking about, and no matter how many years passed, losing her in that manner is still one of most painful experience I had to go through.

Choosing to be quiet though, is still the best thing to do. 

Knowing sorrow allows you to value joy. Going through difficult times gives you the courage to face anything with faith.  Experiencing pain allows you to choose peace.  Working on your lot, fully trusting God, gives you more compassion towards others.

God can restore anything that has been stolen from you. You may have failed a thousand times or lost everything once held dear. But God has not run out of mercy. Nothing that you have done is too much for the mercy of God.

Zechariah 2:8

...for whoever touches you touches the apple of His eye...

These are a few of my favorite things

Talking to and giggling with my Ee and Aa
Zumba
My bees' laughter
The bees' and the princess' hugs and kisses...and yes, Sammie's voice and how she calls me
Talking to my sister 
Ramyeon and wintermelon tea with my friends
Sunsets
Sleeping

You can't always learn when it's easy. That doesn't take faith. Some things you can only learn in the struggle. - Joel Osteen

Don't get burned twice by the same flame.

When excitement ends, discipline begins.

It's not love that sustains a marriage. It is the marriage that sustains love. 

Love is a decision. It is not a feeling. 

We all want to go to a higher level, but sometimes you've got to come off the mountain you're on so you can go up a higher one. - Joel Osteen

Psalm 25

1 In you, Lord my God,
    I put my trust.

2 I trust in you;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    nor let my enemies triumph over me.
3 No one who hopes in you
    will ever be put to shame,
but shame will come on those
    who are treacherous without cause.

4 Show me your ways, Lord,
    teach me your paths.
5 Guide me in your truth and teach me,
    for you are God my Savior,
    and my hope is in you all day long.
6 Remember, Lord, your great mercy and love,
    for they are from of old.
7 Do not remember the sins of my youth
    and my rebellious ways;
according to your love remember me,
    for you, Lord, are good.

8 Good and upright is the Lord;
    therefore he instructs sinners in his ways.
9 He guides the humble in what is right
    and teaches them his way.
10 All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful
    toward those who keep the demands of his covenant.
11 For the sake of your name, Lord,
    forgive my iniquity, though it is great.

12 Who, then, are those who fear the Lord?
    He will instruct them in the ways they should choose.[b]
13 They will spend their days in prosperity,
    and their descendants will inherit the land.
14 The Lord confides in those who fear him;
    he makes his covenant known to them.
15 My eyes are ever on the Lord,
    for only he will release my feet from the snare.

16 Turn to me and be gracious to me,
    for I am lonely and afflicted.
17 Relieve the troubles of my heart
    and free me from my anguish.
18 Look on my affliction and my distress
    and take away all my sins.
19 See how numerous are my enemies
    and how fiercely they hate me!

20 Guard my life and rescue me;
    do not let me be put to shame,
    for I take refuge in you.
21 May integrity and uprightness protect me,
    because my hope, Lord,[c] is in you.

22 Deliver Israel, O God,
    from all their troubles!

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable."

- C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves

But you, O God, do see trouble and grief;
you consider it to take it in hand.
The victim commits himself to you;
you are the helper of the fatherless.
Break the arm of the wicked and evil man;
call him to account for his wickedness that would not be found out.

The Lord is King for ever and ever;
the nations will perish from his land.
You hear, O Lord, the desire of the afflicted;
you encourage them, and you listen to their cry,
defending the fatherless and the oppressed,
in order that man, who is of the earth, may terrify no more.
(Psalm 10: 14-18)

You are so blurred!!!!

God did not call you to keep everyone happy. You are not responsible for other people's happiness; you are responsible to keep yourself happy. - Joel Osteen

God didn't save us from the beasts of the forest yesterday, only to be killed by a giant today. (1 Samuel 17:37)

Silence is the best reply to a fool.

Amazing love, amazing grace, amazing God!

I am so amazed how God has shielded me from pain. The strength I have now is way too "strong" for me. And I just know, it came only from Him.  Amazing strength from an amazing God. Amazing grace from a loving God.

"I have stilled and quieted my soul; like a weaned child with its mother, like a weaned child is my soul within me. O Israel, put your hope in the Lord both now and forevermore." (Psalm 131:2-3)

God is a just God. He gives me relief when I am troubled (2 Thessalonians 1:6-7)

And yes, I have peace during the storm. I am joyful in the midst of pain. Because I know my God is bigger than the mountains and the storm. He's got it covered. He has made my inheritance and my destiny secured.

There are scarecrows in the best gardens.
Faith is a bird that loves to perch on scarecrows.

Expectation is the key to faith. If you can see the invisible, God will do the impossible.

Take heart, God is going to show you joy like you've never seen. The spirit of depression and encouragement is being broken. God is going to release a new happiness and passion that you've never experienced before.

The Snake in my washing machine

Ann suddenly rushed inside the house. She saw a snake coiled inside the washing machine.
Initially, I thought,"oh, if Carlo were here, he would take care of it!" But of course he is miles away.
"Close all windows and doors!"
Then I thought, even when everything is locked, how are we going to deal with that snake tomorrow?
So I went out, hoping that the boys in our neighborhood are still awake.
Then I told Ate Daisy. While we're talking, Alvin and his brother knocked...at 8 in the evening. They're supposed to be sleeping, they're 14 and 9 years old. They have a class tomorrow! But they were there, right there, asking me if I have some plastic bottles to give them.

Alvin is the ever reliable boy in my neighborhood - he sells balut, chicharon, sayote, collects plastics, and does all stuff just to earn some money he's going to use for school.
So I asked him if he can do some snake stuff. And he does. And he did!!!
He killed the snake, got rid of the snake!

Automatically I thought, wow! God is so on time. His provision is never late.
He has protected us from that snake, and knowing that Ann and I cannot do it, He sent somebody to do it for us. I am so amazed.

Scary night indeed. But what a blessed night too. God is always good.

What makes a Mom?

Love, strength, and selflessness.

God never performs His greatest feats in your yesterdays. - Joel Osteen

I made a stand.

I joined the Million People March today.  It was more than the pork barrel that enraged me - the lack of transparency, rent seeking behavior, apathy, and injustice. 

For more than ten years, I worked with the government. And I tell you, most of the government employees I know are committed and honest. Whatever idealism I had when I graduated from college is still the same until the time I resigned from government service five years ago, because I worked with people who stay in the office until 2 in the morning just to get things done, and report for work just the same at 8am, without expecting and receiving any overtime pay.  Supposed to be an 8-5 job, but turned out, the boss can always make you stay until everything gets done, like there is no tomorrow.  But, I cannot also deny the fact that there are irregularities.  

I have seen and experienced how hard it is to lobby funding for training and education.  And you cannot also imagine the time spent for research and planning just to come up with a proposal, only to  be denied and rejected, because it is not part of the priority project. And what was the priority?  

It pains me to see people who are stripped off of their retirement pay because they have to answer and suffer for the fault of others. When in fact, they have worked hard for a good name for years, only to be held accountable for something they did not do because of technicalities. 

It also pains me to see someone go to jail, just because he killed a person in exchange for money just so he can provide for his family, while the mastermind go free.  I cannot understand until now how human rights works, because I experienced first hand how they can protect the rights of the killer more than the family of the victim, and how the latter's family cannot be represented by any lawyer for fear of getting involved.

I am also saddened how the youth can be used to add up to the population of protesters, not knowing what they are really fighting for, but are encouraged to be around because of the promise of extra points. 

Now that I am in the academe, I do not teach my students to hate the government.  But I want to influence them to do the right thing so there will be change, no matter how small it may be. 

And instead of speaking death, it's high time that we start speaking life for the country. 

I am still very hopeful that there is a future for the Philippines, and God's promises will come to pass.  The best is yet to come. 

  

Make pleasing God your highest priority and all the forces of darkness cannot keep you from your destiny. - Joel Osteen

Stronger: Mandisa

Hey, heard you were up all night

Thinking about how your world ain't right

And you wonder if things will ever get better

And you're asking why is it always raining on you

When all you want is just a little good news

Instead of standing there stuck out in the weather

Oh, don't hand your head

It's gonna end

God's right there

Even if it's hard to see Him

I promise you that He still cares 

When the waves are taking you under 

Hold on just a little bit longer 

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger

The pain ain't gonna last forever 

And things can only get better

Believe me

And things can only get better

Believe me

This is gonna make you stronger

Gonna make you stronger, stronger, stronger

Believe me, this is gonna make you...

Try and do the best you can 

Hold on and let Him hold your hand 

And go on and fall into the arms of Jesus 

Oh, lift your head it's gonna end 

God's right there

Even when you just can't feel Him

I promise you that He still cares 

Cause if He started this work in your life 

He will be faithful to complete it

If only you believe it 

He knows how much it hurts 

And I'm sure that He's gonna help you get through this 

When the waves are taking you under 

Hold on just a little bit longer 

He knows that this is gonna make you stronger, stronger 

The pain ain't gonna last forever 

In time it's gonna get better

Believe me 

This is gonna make you stronger 

I am still wearing the smile you gave...
and it's definitely hard to shake it off.

Thank you stranger, you definitely made my confidence and esteem level up to ten times more.

Of mountains and eagles...to the ends of the earth...

Then I climbed mountains;
now I'm soaring high like an eagle.
But I will never forget the difficulty I had in climbing those mountains,
for without them, I can never soar high in the sky;
and without them, I wouldn't be able to see the nations.

"Right thing at the wrong time is the wrong thing." - Joshua Harris

Ecclesiastes 3:1 To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.

I have only good days and better days

Complaining only delays better days.  But when you praise, God steps in to fight your battles for you. - Joel Osteen

I have a big challenge.  I have a big destiny.

Jonah

In my distress I called to the Lord and He answered me.
From the depths of the grave I called for help, and you listened to my cry.
You hurled me into the deep, into the very heart of the seas,
and the currents swirled about me;
all your waves and breakers swept over me, I have been banished from your sight;
yet, I will look again toward your holy temple.
The engulfing waters threatened me
the deep surrounded me;
seaweed was wrapped around my head.  
To the roots of the mountains I sank down;
the earth beneath barred me in forever.
But you brought my life up from the pit, O Lord my God.

When my life was ebbing away, I remembered You Lord,
and my prayer rose to You, to Your holy temple.
Those who cling to worthless idols
forfeit the grace that could be theirs.
But I, with a song of thanksgiving, will sacrifice to you.
What I have vowed, I will make good.
Salvation comes from the Lord.

Fear always tells you what you're not, what you don't have, what you can't do, and what you never will be. (Romans 8:15)

What a pleasant Friday evening it is.  My boys singing their favorite song. =)

First day "high"

Officially, I am the most excited mom for June 2013. My two boys are both in school already.  My eldest is in Grade 7, started out great, and my youngest is in nursery.  Today is my Aa's first day in school, and I woke up at 12:35, can't sleep, looking forward to  bringing him to school later. And to top it off, Kuya Rhyss was giving him last minute instructions last night - how he should conduct himself in school, training him how to introduce himself, his meryenda, and the things he will get to see and experience in school. 

That makes me a true blue stage mom, and my Rhyss a certified stage Kuya. 

Aa on our Apayao trip:

Mama, the bus was not cool.
Why?
We stayed there too long.

(11 hours)

Hey diddle, diddle

I first learned to recite the poem when I was 3 or 4.
So I taught my youngest son one night, with all the lights off, on a rainy night...

I recited the poem -

Hey diddle, diddle,
the cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
And the little dog laughed to see
such a sport

Me: Ok now, you follow me.
       Hey diddle diddle
Aa: Hey diddle diddle
Me: The cat and the fiddle
Aa: The cat and the fiddle
Me:  The cow jumped over the moon
Aa: (looked bewildered)
Me: The cow jumped over the moon
Aa: Ma, there's no moon, it's raining
Me: Oh, yes, but it's just part of the poem
Aa: (and he really can't say it)
Me: Sige na  baby, the cow jumped over the moon
Aa: Ma, the cow can't jump! It's just eating grass.  It's the horse that jumps

I didn't know a very simple poem can be so complicated .

Stop over and computer games

Mama, why are we here? 

Stop over baby. We go down and eat.

Why? It is where we get some energy?

Yes. 

Then we fill up our ammo? 

Ok, so that does it. No playing computer games when I am not around. 

 

Thank you Father, for when I am broken You make me whole.

"I don't want to be hurt anymore" also means "I don't want to love people." Love requires risk and vulnerability.- Mark Driscoll

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, 

he enables me to tread on the heights.

Threat is imminent and I just had to protect the one thing that 's important to me. - Tony Starks

The scariest thing about distance is you don't know whether they'll miss you or they'll forget about you. - The Notebook

 
Decide to be a blessing to everyone. Forgive anyone who has hurt you, and leave unresolved circumstances in God's hands. - Joyce Meyer

Proud mom indeed!

I came home greeted by my 12 year old. 

He washed the dishes, and house is clean. 

This will really land in my journal. 

Can't help being grateful! God You're so good!

Yes, I feel like a super mom!

It started with my eldest son's Pugad Adventure with me on field. 

He came home with a mug and a key chain. 

Ma, I got this for you.  It was fun there.  Sayang, you and ading were not able to make it.  

Guilty mother syndrome! But yes, I felt like I was in 7th Heaven with his thoughtfulness. 

Hey son, are you proud of me (a question made in jest)? 

Yes. 

Why?

Because you are doing everything you can for me and ading (I did not really expect a quite serious reply).

And today, while waiting for my turn in the salon, I asked him to buy an envelope...

Ma, here, I bought two, just in case...

I opened the long brown envelope, and to my surprise, a Mother's Day Card for me!

Kilig much!

Can't help but be grateful how God has given me such wonderful and thoughtful children.  

I feel so rewarded despite all the "am I a failure mom?" lie that kept on playing in my head for how many weeks.  

It really takes grace to be a parent. And thank God for He molding me and teaching me constantly to be the best mom to two wonderful boys. 

Happiness!

If she's amazing, she won't be easy
If she's easy, she won't be amazing
If she's worth it, you won't give up
If you give up, you're not worthy...
Truth is, everybody's going to hurt you
You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
- Bob Marley

Marriage is for the humble and forgiving.  It is not for the faint of heart.

Why?
I can't understand why I am seeing leather boots, jackets, and cardigans.
Is it me?
At 33 degrees celsius.
Could it be me?

Is there really a Miguel Montenegro in reality? 

Perhaps yes, because there is a Zoren Legaspi. 

Can't shake off that oowwie feeling after watching "It takes a Man and a Woman."

And yes, for a while, I was quite wishing I were in the shoes of Laida or Carmina. 

Oh, snap!

Why so downcast o my soul
Put your hope in God
and bless the Lord o my soul

"Even when God seemed to have abandoned me, He was watching.
Even when He seemed indifferent to my suffering, He was watching.
And when I was beyond all hopes of saving, He gave me rest.
He gave me a sign to continue my journey." - Life of Pi

Worked today with my children in tow. We all enjoyed just being together. 

Of course not to mention them getting bored while waiting.

But boredom got compensated when we had lunch together at Hebrews Cafe, 

with their favorite adobo meal, not to mention a very good view of the city.  

And yes, my Aaron was so ecstatic about the view.

I am a working mom. And meantime, I am "single." 

And it makes parenting all the more challenging.  

And when my tweener and my toddler would say:

"Thank you Ma, we enjoyed the day!" it really makes me feel like a super mom!

Aaron holding his blaster gun -
Mama, can I water the trees now?
(We have bonsais)

I just want to be happy is often a very selfish remark, rooting from wanting to receive rather than to give.

My present situation is not my final destination.
The best is yet to come. This too shall pass.

Sleep is my lover now, my forgetting, my opiate, my oblivion.

Nothing beats the original.

My God is an amazing God!
He is a promise keeper...a faithful God.

My Liwliwa

Preparing for school

Ma, what if the teacher will get mad at me because I am there?
No, nobody will get mad at you because I am the teacher.
Really? You are the teacher?
Yes.
Like, you also talk in front?
Yes.
Oh! Wow ma!
(Like he is so amazed)


In class...

He was observing...then asked...
Ma, you're really the teacher here?
Yes.

Then I asked him to be seated at the back.
While going around for the permits, he called for me quietly
Then he whispered...
Ma, why are you the teacher?
(Like he is really so clueless with what I am doing)

God works far more through our brokenness, than through our brilliance.

God has seen what you have been through...
every tear you've shed...
He knows the disappointment
the heartache you feel
and this is not the end...
It's a new beginning.

- Joel Osteen

Saw this from a friend's post -

Psychologists say:
1) If a person laughs too much,
    Even at stupid things,
    He is lonely deep inside.

2) If a person sleeps a lot,
    He is sad.

3) If a person speaks less,
    But speaks fast,
    He keeps secrets.

4) If someone can't cry,
    He is weak.

5) If someone eats in an abnormal manner,
    He is tensed.

6) If someone cries on little things,
    He is innocent and soft-hearted.

7) If someone becomes angry over silly or petty things,
    It means he needs love.

Happiness

Happiness is to knows the Savior,
Living a life within His favor
Having a change in my behavior,
Happiness is the Lord

Happiness is a new creation,
Jesus and me in close relation
Having a part in His salvation,
Happiness is the Lord

Real joy is mine,
no matter if teardrops start
I've found the secret
It's Jesus in my heart

Happiness is to be forgiven,
Living a life that's worth the livin'
Taking a trip that leads to heaven,
Happiness is the Lord

How come, you know so much?

I am so confused.

There are so many questions left unanswered.
Often, it is so pointless and exhausting searching and waiting for the answers.
Yet, one thing is for sure...
That God knows all things and sees all things.
And I will be content to just see the things that God allows me to see...one at a time
To learn from them and to trust Him fully, even when the answer seems so bleak.

I can't imagine myself writing a wrong birth date...I must have been too preoccupied...

Potato salad, sparkling wine, and a chitchat with my bees makes my evening so perfect. =)

'Tis a new season for me!
God is good!

Face the truth - it can be the beginning of a happier life.

I am always happy meeting a father who knows how important to be with their children as they are growing up. Thank you manong for the inspiration.

Choosing to be happy means living in complete surrender to God's will.

Trust is earned.

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

It is better to do what is right rather than to make things right. 
Saying sorry is more difficult than saying thank you.

A place so close to my heart...

Comfort stems from fear of the unknown and fear of failure. We feel safe within its confines, but in reality, comfort is a gilded cage barring us from our true greatness.  When we're not challenging ourselves to be more, we are setting for mediocrity. - Jodi Chapman

You can never run away from your past but you have a choice to face it today to find peace in the future. - Chinkee Tan

Love gives; lust gets.

Love waits; lust wants it now. 

Psalm 84:11

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

Will I still see you outside my window?

Dear Ma,

I miss you.

Me

It will always boil down to Utility...
and like any other good, the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility will always apply.

I am blessed indeed!

I have a son who thinks and talks like 40;
and a son who laughs like there is no tomorrow.

Make the journey and don't quit until you've arrived. - Joyce Meyer

We cannot expect to obtain the eternal when we keep filling ourselves with the temporary.

This is indeed a year of God's favor...a year of breakthroughs.

I now have my very great reward.

I have found my real treasure...my inheritance.

The blessings are trickling down one by one

Surpassing every challenge. 

I came from battle...and it has been won.  

I have bruises, but unscathed...  

I was protected, was carried with love, shielded by His great love and mercy

I am now robed with new clothes

The old has gone, the new has come. 

A new season is at hand.

He put a new song in my heart
A song of praise unto my God

When is okay not okay;
And when did good become best?

You are never too big of a mess for God to redeem and nothing is beyond His ability to restore. - Joyce Meyer

Buffalo, Buffala, Buffaline.  I miss.

People have power over you, if you are not willing to forgive them for their mistakes.  Forgive, and move on, today. - Chinkee Tan

Facing the truth means going beyond just admitting we've done something wrong; it means not making excuses for that wrong behavior. - Joyce Meyer