Aa on our Apayao trip:

Mama, the bus was not cool.
Why?
We stayed there too long.

(11 hours)

Hey diddle, diddle

I first learned to recite the poem when I was 3 or 4.
So I taught my youngest son one night, with all the lights off, on a rainy night...

I recited the poem -

Hey diddle, diddle,
the cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
And the little dog laughed to see
such a sport

Me: Ok now, you follow me.
       Hey diddle diddle
Aa: Hey diddle diddle
Me: The cat and the fiddle
Aa: The cat and the fiddle
Me:  The cow jumped over the moon
Aa: (looked bewildered)
Me: The cow jumped over the moon
Aa: Ma, there's no moon, it's raining
Me: Oh, yes, but it's just part of the poem
Aa: (and he really can't say it)
Me: Sige na  baby, the cow jumped over the moon
Aa: Ma, the cow can't jump! It's just eating grass.  It's the horse that jumps

I didn't know a very simple poem can be so complicated .

Stop over and computer games

Mama, why are we here? 

Stop over baby. We go down and eat.

Why? It is where we get some energy?

Yes. 

Then we fill up our ammo? 

Ok, so that does it. No playing computer games when I am not around. 

 

Thank you Father, for when I am broken You make me whole.

"I don't want to be hurt anymore" also means "I don't want to love people." Love requires risk and vulnerability.- Mark Driscoll

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Though the fig tree does not bud
    and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
    and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
    and no cattle in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord,    I will be joyful in God my Savior.

The Sovereign Lord is my strength;

he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, 

he enables me to tread on the heights.

Threat is imminent and I just had to protect the one thing that 's important to me. - Tony Starks

The scariest thing about distance is you don't know whether they'll miss you or they'll forget about you. - The Notebook

 
Decide to be a blessing to everyone. Forgive anyone who has hurt you, and leave unresolved circumstances in God's hands. - Joyce Meyer

Proud mom indeed!

I came home greeted by my 12 year old. 

He washed the dishes, and house is clean. 

This will really land in my journal. 

Can't help being grateful! God You're so good!

Yes, I feel like a super mom!

It started with my eldest son's Pugad Adventure with me on field. 

He came home with a mug and a key chain. 

Ma, I got this for you.  It was fun there.  Sayang, you and ading were not able to make it.  

Guilty mother syndrome! But yes, I felt like I was in 7th Heaven with his thoughtfulness. 

Hey son, are you proud of me (a question made in jest)? 

Yes. 

Why?

Because you are doing everything you can for me and ading (I did not really expect a quite serious reply).

And today, while waiting for my turn in the salon, I asked him to buy an envelope...

Ma, here, I bought two, just in case...

I opened the long brown envelope, and to my surprise, a Mother's Day Card for me!

Kilig much!

Can't help but be grateful how God has given me such wonderful and thoughtful children.  

I feel so rewarded despite all the "am I a failure mom?" lie that kept on playing in my head for how many weeks.  

It really takes grace to be a parent. And thank God for He molding me and teaching me constantly to be the best mom to two wonderful boys. 

Happiness!

If she's amazing, she won't be easy
If she's easy, she won't be amazing
If she's worth it, you won't give up
If you give up, you're not worthy...
Truth is, everybody's going to hurt you
You just gotta find the ones worth suffering for.
- Bob Marley

Marriage is for the humble and forgiving.  It is not for the faint of heart.

Why?
I can't understand why I am seeing leather boots, jackets, and cardigans.
Is it me?
At 33 degrees celsius.
Could it be me?

Is there really a Miguel Montenegro in reality? 

Perhaps yes, because there is a Zoren Legaspi. 

Can't shake off that oowwie feeling after watching "It takes a Man and a Woman."

And yes, for a while, I was quite wishing I were in the shoes of Laida or Carmina. 

Oh, snap!

Why so downcast o my soul
Put your hope in God
and bless the Lord o my soul

"Even when God seemed to have abandoned me, He was watching.
Even when He seemed indifferent to my suffering, He was watching.
And when I was beyond all hopes of saving, He gave me rest.
He gave me a sign to continue my journey." - Life of Pi

Worked today with my children in tow. We all enjoyed just being together. 

Of course not to mention them getting bored while waiting.

But boredom got compensated when we had lunch together at Hebrews Cafe, 

with their favorite adobo meal, not to mention a very good view of the city.  

And yes, my Aaron was so ecstatic about the view.

I am a working mom. And meantime, I am "single." 

And it makes parenting all the more challenging.  

And when my tweener and my toddler would say:

"Thank you Ma, we enjoyed the day!" it really makes me feel like a super mom!

Aaron holding his blaster gun -
Mama, can I water the trees now?
(We have bonsais)

I just want to be happy is often a very selfish remark, rooting from wanting to receive rather than to give.

My present situation is not my final destination.
The best is yet to come. This too shall pass.

Sleep is my lover now, my forgetting, my opiate, my oblivion.

Nothing beats the original.

My God is an amazing God!
He is a promise keeper...a faithful God.

My Liwliwa

Preparing for school

Ma, what if the teacher will get mad at me because I am there?
No, nobody will get mad at you because I am the teacher.
Really? You are the teacher?
Yes.
Like, you also talk in front?
Yes.
Oh! Wow ma!
(Like he is so amazed)


In class...

He was observing...then asked...
Ma, you're really the teacher here?
Yes.

Then I asked him to be seated at the back.
While going around for the permits, he called for me quietly
Then he whispered...
Ma, why are you the teacher?
(Like he is really so clueless with what I am doing)

God works far more through our brokenness, than through our brilliance.

God has seen what you have been through...
every tear you've shed...
He knows the disappointment
the heartache you feel
and this is not the end...
It's a new beginning.

- Joel Osteen

Saw this from a friend's post -

Psychologists say:
1) If a person laughs too much,
    Even at stupid things,
    He is lonely deep inside.

2) If a person sleeps a lot,
    He is sad.

3) If a person speaks less,
    But speaks fast,
    He keeps secrets.

4) If someone can't cry,
    He is weak.

5) If someone eats in an abnormal manner,
    He is tensed.

6) If someone cries on little things,
    He is innocent and soft-hearted.

7) If someone becomes angry over silly or petty things,
    It means he needs love.

Happiness

Happiness is to knows the Savior,
Living a life within His favor
Having a change in my behavior,
Happiness is the Lord

Happiness is a new creation,
Jesus and me in close relation
Having a part in His salvation,
Happiness is the Lord

Real joy is mine,
no matter if teardrops start
I've found the secret
It's Jesus in my heart

Happiness is to be forgiven,
Living a life that's worth the livin'
Taking a trip that leads to heaven,
Happiness is the Lord

How come, you know so much?

I am so confused.

There are so many questions left unanswered.
Often, it is so pointless and exhausting searching and waiting for the answers.
Yet, one thing is for sure...
That God knows all things and sees all things.
And I will be content to just see the things that God allows me to see...one at a time
To learn from them and to trust Him fully, even when the answer seems so bleak.

I can't imagine myself writing a wrong birth date...I must have been too preoccupied...

Potato salad, sparkling wine, and a chitchat with my bees makes my evening so perfect. =)

'Tis a new season for me!
God is good!

Face the truth - it can be the beginning of a happier life.

I am always happy meeting a father who knows how important to be with their children as they are growing up. Thank you manong for the inspiration.

Choosing to be happy means living in complete surrender to God's will.

Trust is earned.

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

It is better to do what is right rather than to make things right. 
Saying sorry is more difficult than saying thank you.

A place so close to my heart...

Comfort stems from fear of the unknown and fear of failure. We feel safe within its confines, but in reality, comfort is a gilded cage barring us from our true greatness.  When we're not challenging ourselves to be more, we are setting for mediocrity. - Jodi Chapman

You can never run away from your past but you have a choice to face it today to find peace in the future. - Chinkee Tan

Love gives; lust gets.

Love waits; lust wants it now. 

Psalm 84:11

For the Lord God is a sun and shield;
the Lord bestows favor and honor;
no good thing does he withhold
from those whose walk is blameless.

Will I still see you outside my window?

Dear Ma,

I miss you.

Me

It will always boil down to Utility...
and like any other good, the Law of Diminishing Marginal Utility will always apply.

I am blessed indeed!

I have a son who thinks and talks like 40;
and a son who laughs like there is no tomorrow.

Make the journey and don't quit until you've arrived. - Joyce Meyer

We cannot expect to obtain the eternal when we keep filling ourselves with the temporary.

This is indeed a year of God's favor...a year of breakthroughs.

I now have my very great reward.

I have found my real treasure...my inheritance.

The blessings are trickling down one by one

Surpassing every challenge. 

I came from battle...and it has been won.  

I have bruises, but unscathed...  

I was protected, was carried with love, shielded by His great love and mercy

I am now robed with new clothes

The old has gone, the new has come. 

A new season is at hand.

He put a new song in my heart
A song of praise unto my God

When is okay not okay;
And when did good become best?

You are never too big of a mess for God to redeem and nothing is beyond His ability to restore. - Joyce Meyer

Buffalo, Buffala, Buffaline.  I miss.

People have power over you, if you are not willing to forgive them for their mistakes.  Forgive, and move on, today. - Chinkee Tan

Facing the truth means going beyond just admitting we've done something wrong; it means not making excuses for that wrong behavior. - Joyce Meyer

I found out, my eldest is more conservative than I am.

Who are you? Is that you?

I didn't know, nails can give you such a happy feeling!

Being suspicious causes inner torment and we imagine things that either aren't true or will probably never happen. - Joyce Meyer

Before you ever get a problem, God already has your deliverance planned. - Joyce Meyer

Good morning Aa!
Good morning ma. I love you.
I love you too baby.  Do we have a text?
None pa.  I will text papa ok? So you will have a text.
Ok.

A!! Why are you calling your Papa?
Ay sorry! Was that Papa's number?

Keep your face to the sunshine and you cannot see the shadow. - Helen Keller

I miss...

Excited.

Laughter.  Compounding elements.  Coupled with occasional bickering.  Subject and predicate.  Aaron with his "brick game" while waiting for his text. Laughter.  Interview from Liwliwa. Ending the day with bubble safari.

God has heard your prayers and your answer is on the way.  Your times are in God's hands and He won't be late.

This year is the year of God's favor.  This year will be a year of deliverance.  This year will be a year of breakthroughs.

I may not see it coming yet,  but I know God is working His miracles on my behalf.

I will taste and see that the Lord is good!

Believing God for the best...indeed, He makes everything beautiful in His time.

Manang Kathrine! You always make me feel good! =)

Yabada badooooo!

Good morning dearest!

6:00am
Aaron: Ate, can I  borrow your cellphone?
Ate: No, not yet.  Later.
Aaron: (Silently walked away. Went back to the room)

(Door suddenly opened with force)
Me: What is that Aaron?
Aaron:  (Pouting) I'm not handsome.
Me: You are.
Aaron: No!
Me: Why?
Aaron: I'm not handsome than Rhyss.
Me: What? Rhyss is more handsome than you?
Aaron: Yes, Rhyss more handsome than me.

   

Focusing too much on ourselves makes us incapable of loving others.

Single parenting 101 for a working mom.  It takes grace.

Thank you Lord for my two boys - my liwliwa and my bff

Joy amidst sadness
Security despite being alone
Peace in the midst of turmoil
Gladness in times of despair
Laughter despite tears

God is indeed a promise keeper.

As a wife, you feel your husband's pain ten times more.

For as long as my children and my husband are happy, I'm okay.

Ngotok ka pay essa. Hahaha.  Sha ay di!

Dear Mama,

I am so proud of you.  You are the smartest wife and mom I have ever known.  Thank you for teaching me by example.  I thank God for your quiet and gentle courage and strength. 

I miss you so much Mama.  I love you.  See  you when I see you. 

Christine

Thank you Lord. I am one day closer to my miracle. 
Thank you Lord. You are a God in and out of seasons.
Thank you Lord. You are sovereign.
Thank you Lord. You make all things beautiful in Your time.
Thank you Lord. There is a time for everything.
Thank you Lord.  You love me so much.
Thank you Lord. You are never against the family.
Thank you Lord. You are God.

Grace is God doing for us what we could never do and what we will never deserve. - Joyce Meyer

Ala ni Daddy makaipakawa!

I was doing my regular grocery when I spotted Fox's candies.  There was a sudden rush of emotion.  I suddenly missed buying them for Daddy.

I was at the condiments section.  I saw a Kikkoman Soy Sauce.  I remembered how he wanted to eat chopsuey.  And as I was listing down the ingredients for Aldrin to buy, he specified we use Kikkoman for the soy. 

Then I remembered how I prayed while I was cooking the chopsuey.  And yes, he liked it!

After the funeral, we prepared for breakfast.  I went to buy bread.  I don't know why, but I wanted to prepare french toast.  After preparing one whole pack of bread french toast, my sister-in-law served it.  Then my brother-in-law came to me in the kitchen - "naimas met diay bread mo Christine." So I replied, "Hehehe. Laylayden et ni Daddy an kagtudi ya." Mama butted in, "Shadi an paborito na si Daddy yu."

How Daddy craved for yema in November when he was in the hospital and very critical.  I really looked for yema and it became known to my friends that Daddy wanted it so badly when they saw me buy all the yema sold by the students. 

I remembered how he discussed with Mama how he wanted to be buried and where.  He didn't like to be buried near the house.  He wanted to be in the cemetery.  Then Mama started to cry.  Then she said, "duwa kayo nga agsau kenni Christine!" And Daddy said, "saan aya nga isuntu met laeng ti papanan tayo amin?" Then he smiled his mischievous smile. 

How Daddy would ask me to pray for him everytime he is in pain or he is not okay. 

Oh Daddy, I am missing you.  I didn't know, and I didn't realize I cared for you like this.  I didn't know I would cry for you, too. 

I miss going to La Trinidad to visit you with my bees. The hospital visits. The sleepovers.  The little chats.  How you would talk to me about how you felt at that time - what pains you so much, what you would like to happen. 

Now, I will no longer be receiving any call from you...asking me what time we are coming.  You just don't know how I felt when you called me up while I was in the middle of a party, asked me whether I am coming or not because your gums are bleeding, you can't eat anything but lugaw.  So I rushed back home, got the blender and brought it to you, only to find out you are very okay, watching tv.  That's when I knew, close na tayo.

Looking back, when Carlo and I was still staying in Bontoc, our weekly visits would include newspapers and bread.  Yes, because you loved reading news and you liked eating bread.

How you appreciated the first time Carlo and I bought a cake on your birthday and told us it was your first time to have a birthday cake.

How you sacrificed your time and finances to see us during the time when things got rough between me and your son.  And how you assured me when you said that he can no longer go back home to you and to Mama if he continues messing up.

Thank you Daddy, for giving me the chance to be part of your family.  Thank you for your respect. Thank you for welcoming me into your family as a daughter.  

Most of all, thank you for giving me a chance to do things for you and to care for you, the same way I would if my Papa were still here.  It was a privilege to serve you, because it was like serving my Papa as well.  It felt good to pamper you, because I hadn't had the chance to pamper my Papa or even took care of him before he died.  Thank you Daddy for treating me as your daughter.

I know you're better now.  You are now walking in streets of gold.  You are now in a place where there is no more pain, no more hurts, no more worries.

I miss you Daddy.  The bees miss you too so much.  Thank you for being a Lolo to them. 

I will not be afraid of change because it will lead me to a new beginning.

The devil lies.
In fact, the devil doesn't know how to speak the truth.
- Joyce Meyer

Pride is the cousin of denial.
People live in denial because they are proud to admit that they were wrong.

Baguio City is really the home of honest taxi drivers!

This morning was not the first time I left something in a taxi.  I experienced dropping my cellphone and then nada.  It was different today.  The one I left cannot be replaced immediately...the documents of my brother in law that I am supposed to have signed by any of Daddy's doctors.  I was in a rush - from SLU Hospital, to Pines City Hospital, to AMDC and  I was supposed to go back to SLU then to Sto. Nino.

But I stopped first at AMDC, and made a call nearby to BGH.  After making the call, I realized, the documents were missing.  I rushed back to AMDC.  The Security Guard told me, a taxi driver came to return some documents but he returned it just the same because he cannot find Charlton anywhere in the building.  Of course he couldn't! Because he was never in the building.  I got so relieved when he gave me the number and yes, to make the story short, I got the papers back!!!

And yes, Tonton, if you ever get to read this, I almost jeopardized your 15 days vacation.  Thank God for working on my behalf.  And yes, I am so grateful to Rudy Diamas, the taxi driver who returned it.  And yes, I am so grateful I am from this city.

Rhyss and Arnis

Rhyss, are you still going to practice arnis? 
Yes, I will go tomorrow. 
Oh, ok. 
They might say, "nakakuha lang siya ng medal di na siya bumalik. Kumpleto pa naman ang gamit niya, sayang."

Rhyss' newest passion.

His very first competition was in December.

Mama, I am so ashamed na yata.  I am the only one here with a complete family watching me. 
Why, aren't you glad, we're all here to watch you and cheer for you? 
So shameful kaya mama.

Ate, is he representing the school? (My sister asking)
No. I just brought him here because he likes it.
Sino ngay ti coach na? 
Me.

And during the fight, his stick fell down (which is a violation...if your stick falls three times, you're out of the game already).  Oh, and yes, I almost shouted, that's okay baby!!!! you can do it!!!  Good thing I was able to restrain myself. Otherwise, I will be banned for a lifetime to watch him play.


And yes, he wants to join the Panagbenga Arnis Competition.  And yes, will support him all the way.  But I can't promise not to be the stage mom that I am.  Anything for my favorite 11 year old boy!

I choose mercy over judgment.

Oh my Aa!

Mama, look at Jesus.  He is locked up.  He can't pass through there is a cup.

******

Aa, you're so handsome naman! No, I'm not handsome.  You're letting me stay here lang naman. 

When trust is broken, forgiveness is offered instantly by grace; but trust must be re-earned over time.

I'm a sleuth.  I grew up reading Nancy Drew.

Today, Christine, we believe God wants you to know that ...

everything passes.

Nothing is eternal, even the sun will one day disappear. Remember this simple truth whenever you are suffering, - that the suffering too shall pass, - and it will become easier to bear.

December 21

What happens today, December 21, is just an alignment between the winter solstice and the galactic equator due to the tilting on the earth's axis. It is a periodic occurrence that happens every 26,000 years.  The Mayan's "doomsday" prediction came at a time when Rome still believed the earth was the center of the universe, and that the sun revolved around it.

Doomsday or not, I am still so grateful I woke up giggling with my two boys, and I have a God who promised eternity.

My afternoon delight

After a day's work, it is always a relief and a joy to be greeted by a joyful silence, caused by two hiding boys wanting to be found from their nook, and would break out into peals of laughter when I find them.

Then as I change, they would usually ask me -

How was work ma?
How are you ma?
Ma, are you ok?
I love you ma.

I couldn't exchange my two boys for any other.
They are my treasure.
And I would do everything to leave a very good legacy to them, no matter what it takes.

grabe, nakakapikon ka na!

I'm gonna knock on your door
Ring on your  bell
Knock on your window, too

Being a servant of God is incomparable.
As you care for others, you learn to cover your sorrow with a smile.
You learn how to stay vigorous despite all the tasks you endure.
You learn how to give h ope even though yours is not clearly seen.
You learn how to give strength even at times that you are weak.

Isaiah 42:8-9

“I am the Lord; that is my name!
    I will not yield my glory to another
    or my praise to idols.
⁹ See, the former things have taken place,
    and new things I declare;
before they spring into being
    I announce them to you.”