Hannah's Prayer

My heart rejoices in the Lord; 
in the Lord my horn is lifted high. 
My mouth boasts over my enemies, 
for I delight in your deliverance. 

There is no one holy like the Lord; 
there is no one besides you; 
there is no Rock like our God. 

Do not keep talking so proudly
or let your mouth speak such arrogance, 
for the Lord is a God who knows, 
and by him deeds are weighed. 

The bows of the warriors are broken, 
but those who stumbled are armed with strength.  
Those who were full hire themselves out for food, 
but those who were hungry hunger no more. 
She who was barren has borne seven children, 
but she who has had many sons pines away. 

The Lord brings death and makes alive, 
he brings down to the grave and raises up. 
The Lord sends poverty and wealth; 
he humbles and he exalts. 
He raises the poor from the dust
and lifts the needy from the ash heap; 
he seats them with princes
and has them inherit a throne of honor. 

For the foundations of the earth are the Lord's; 
upon them he has set the world. 
He will guard the feet of his saints, 
but the wicked will be silenced in darkness. 

It is not by strength that one prevails; 
those who oppose the Lord will be shattered. 
He will thunder against them from heaven, 
the Lord will judge the ends of the earth. 

He will give strength to his king 
and exalt the horn of his anointed. 

Space

Space...bar
Space...ship 
Space...craft
Space...suit 
Space...walk
Space...time
Space...band 
Space...man
Oh space, how deep and wide
Oh space, until when? 

No matter the space, God is bigger.  God is in control.  
This too, shall pass. 

Thank God for His grace. It never cease to amaze me. 

Dear Mama,

I miss you so much.  I want to share notes with you.  I miss talking to you.

Dear Papa,

I need a hug.  I miss being your little girl.  I miss you saying I love you nakkong to me.  

I miss you both so much.


Hugs,

Christine

I can't believe it!!! I'm blogging again!

Outlet?

Oh God, I miss him so.

Thank you Lord, for I am one day closer to talking to him again.

I woke up with a very painful tummy at 3am, wondering why. 

Then, I somehow related it with what I am going through right now.  Yes, I am in pain.  Yet, thank God for His peace and forgiveness.  

There is outpouring of challenges: in my marriage, in my son's academic standing in school.  But thank God for His grace.  I am in faith that He can turn around all these situations.  

O God, I miss them so

kasla ka la mother superior

kasla ka la takki nuang

even then!

di ka na naawa, di ka na nahabag...

I hate this girl!

super cat

homer, dahan dahan lang. malapit na ang birthday natin.

san fernando city market

united food palace

cafe esparanza's empanada

mama's imbagkal

mama's inkiwar

mama's palitaw

papa's ponsado

papa's sinigang na ulo ng fish

papa's bulalo

lolo's pinekkel nga rice

lolo's version of fresh milk

lola febe's rice coffee

mama's adobo

table and chair by lolo

study table with tansan for counting

magazines

newspapers

vacation in bauang

vacation in caba

picnics at villa navarro

Aaron

At 10:30 in the evening...

Me: Aaron, you go inside with Manong.

Aaron: Why?

Me: You go to sleep now.

Aaron: Why?

Aaron at 2 years old, and at 10:38 is still singing twinkle twinkle little star.

Faith Goal Number 1, Check!

Lord, thank you. It was indeed by your grace that I passed the two Sundays. I give you back all glory, honor, and praise. =)

My Romance with the Library

My romance with the library started last Monday, January 24, 2011. It is my first time to really sit down and read from 8am until 5.30pm. This is something I haven’t done ever since I started going to school. The library for me can only mean three things: it is a place where you borrow books; a place where you read journals, magazines and newspapers that you cannot afford to buy; and a place where you sit down while waiting for the next exam.
I took a leave from work for a week, without salary, just to stay in the library. That is six days to be exact (by the standards of the organization).
But a week without a salary was the least thing on my mind. My priority and my goal is to pass the Comprehensive Exams. This is the toughest exam, perhaps, that I will be taking my whole life. There were at least three friends who told me I shouldn’t take it if I’m not really ready. These three friends, are really friends. They know what they are saying because they have been there and were able to successfully hurdle the test.
My sister, who has fifty percent encouragement and fifty percent sarcasm in her blood , told me, “one week before the exams is what really matters” and threatened me that I should make good .
I have also my friend and my mentor who pushes me hard to really pass and there’s no excuse for me not to pass.
A friend and somebody who is like a mother to me told me that all the more that I should take the exam even if I am not that prepared. What I need to do is to review diligently for that one whole week. And she encouraged me that I could make it, for as long as I trust God.
I have a nine year old son who always prays at night for his mom to pass her major major exam.
So these were my motivations why I had a romance with the library. First day, I really had a hard time keeping myself awake. So I pee every once in a while, roam around, inspect (yes, inspect) the books neatly piled on the shelves, check books in their OPAC system. Those were my little recreations.
At exactly 11:30am, I leave my books in my chosen corner, go up to the canteen and eat lunch. I eat alone. I only have with me my eyes and my cell phone. I observe the students lining up for their meals. I observe what they eat, what they wear, how they group together. It’s a relief to see students wearing big backpacks, pants or pedal pushers, sleepers, sneakers, rubber shoes. They discuss about their lessons. They eat one and a half serving of rice for the girls and two servings of rice for the boys. They usually cluster in groups depending on their course, subject, organizations. I want to think that my observations are all true and correct. After lunch, I see students sitting in the corridors with their laptops, or with their orgs putting make up, then some of them playing a kids game. It’s so nice to just roam around the campus and observe.
Then I go back to the library, do my crossword first (something I haven’t done for years), then read then nap for 30 minutes. Yes, a nap. A super powerful nap. Then I go on reading. And I’m now getting the hang of it. Yes, I’m enjoying every moment now that I spend in my little corner.
At 5:30, I start packing my things. Then get the rest of my things at the baggage counter, have the library employee check my things and enjoy listening to the alarm go off as I go out. It’s my Strat book authored by David. I did not remove the price tag. And I do not also plan to remove the price tag. I am just so amused listening to the alarm.
Sunday is getting near. The results will be all up to God. My future is in His hands.

My Romance with the Library

My romance with the library started last Monday, January 24, 2011. It is my first time to really sit down and read from 8am until 5.30pm. This is something I haven’t done ever since I started going to school. The library for me can only mean three things: it is a place where you borrow books; a place where you read journals, magazines and newspapers that you cannot afford to buy; and a place where you sit down while waiting for the next exam.
I took a leave from work for a week, without salary, just to stay in the library. That is six days to be exact (by the standards of the organization).
But a week without a salary was the least thing on my mind. My priority and my goal is to pass the Comprehensive Exams. This is the toughest exam, perhaps, that I will be taking my whole life. There were at least three friends who told me I shouldn’t take it if I’m not really ready. These three friends, are really friends. They know what they are saying because they have been there and were able to successfully hurdle the test.
My sister, who has fifty percent encouragement and fifty percent sarcasm in her blood , told me, “one week before the exams is what really matters” and threatened me that I should make good .
I have also my friend and my mentor who pushes me hard to really pass and there’s no excuse for me not to pass.
A friend and somebody who is like a mother to me told me that all the more that I should take the exam even if I am not that prepared. What I need to do is to review diligently for that one whole week. And she encouraged me that I could make it, for as long as I trust God.
I have a nine year old son who always prays at night for his mom to pass her major major exam.
So these were my motivations why I had a romance with the library. First day, I really had a hard time keeping myself awake. So I pee every once in a while, roam around, inspect (yes, inspect) the books neatly piled on the shelves, check books in their OPAC system. Those were my little recreations.
At exactly 11:30am, I leave my books in my chosen corner, go up to the canteen and eat lunch. I eat alone. I only have with me my eyes and my cell phone. I observe the students lining up for their meals. I observe what they eat, what they wear, how they group together. It’s a relief to see students wearing big backpacks, pants or pedal pushers, sleepers, sneakers, rubber shoes. They discuss about their lessons. They eat one and a half serving of rice for the girls and two servings of rice for the boys. They usually cluster in groups depending on their course, subject, organizations. I want to think that my observations are all true and correct. After lunch, I see students sitting in the corridors with their laptops, or with their orgs putting make up, then some of them playing a kids game. It’s so nice to just roam around the campus and observe.
Then I go back to the library, do my crossword first (something I haven’t done for years), then read then nap for 30 minutes. Yes, a nap. A super powerful nap. Then I go on reading. And I’m now getting the hang of it. Yes, I’m enjoying every moment now that I spend in my little corner.
At 5:30, I start packing my things. Then get the rest of my things at the baggage counter, have the library employee check my things and enjoy listening to the alarm go off as I go out. It’s my Strat book authored by David. I did not remove the price tag. And I do not also plan to remove the price tag. I am just so amused listening to the alarm.
Sunday is getting near. The results will be all up to God. My future is in His hands.

Lord, let it be this year, please!

I am so tired. One week of reading and seven hours of exam. Not able to answer two numbers but quite confident with two, and a little confident with one. Lord, please, high pass for the three numbers.

Roffa Rolls!!!!

Lord, let it be this semester, please.

This is one of those days when I miss Mama and Papa so much.

I thank God for my near-perfect childhood. I was blessed to be raised by two wonderful people who taught me how to love simply by letting me feel loved. I will be forever grateful to these two people who gave their all for me and my sister. I thank them for teaching me and my sister to be always there for each other no matter what. I thank God for I learned responsibility and hard work by the examples that they have set. I praise God for giving me Mama and Papa who taught me how is it to be a parent - the greatest legacy that they have left.

Today, I just want to honor my Mama and Papa who have devoted their lives for me and my sister. I have seen how their lives revolved around me and Rianne, and how they have given their all for us. I will always miss my Papa's sweetness. It is from him that I learned that saying I love you need no special occasion. I will always miss and admire my Mama's silence and courage. Two different people...imperfect...but has so much complimented each other.

I will always love you Mama and Papa. I miss you both so much.

Happy Mothers' Day Ma. You're the best Mom ever!

Rianne made it! That makes me the proudest ate and Rhyss the proudest nephew. If mama and papa were here, they could have been the proudest parents; and if lolo and lola were here, they couldn't stop talking about it.

Some people are just so insensitive

Second person that I want to hit right on in the face.

She's giving an account of a "doctor" who allegedly saw my Mom on the day she died.

Apparently, the doctor who claimed to be there during that fateful day told her that my mom's color was already that of an ash and no longer has any blood on her body.

Where was that doctor? Did she get down on her car? Did she take vital signs of my mom? Did she touch her?

And this stupid girl still insists of the account of the doctor because she's a doctor because she knows the color of dead people.

Bleh! Did they see my mom when I saw her in the morgue?

Then out of sheer stupidity, this girl, who obviously don't know when to stop still asked how the case was going.

So I told her - I don't like to talk about it. (and I wanted to add, I don't want to discuss any single detail with you).

Obviously she is not my friend. A friend will never debate about the color of a dead woman...especially if she's my mother.

The first one was a lawyer.

I was there in the street during that day. I saw how nobody moved to help.

Helllllloooooooo!

How about you? Did you help? What did you do? You did not even take on the case, coward!

Oh, and I failed to mention. There's a third one -

The one who claimed a 2 year old girl said -

"papatayin ko silang lahat" (referring to those involved in the killings)

Yeah right!!! My son, the closest to my Mom, did not even think about that.

Clever. Clap! Clap! Clap!

Will I be faulted if I say I lost faith in the electoral process?

My parents both served as Municipal Treasurers.
My Papa in Caba, Burgos and Aringay
And Mama in Bagulin and Bauang.
I have seen how they served the elections -
They'd line up in the Capitol for the ballot boxes before the elections
Account for them and take responsibility over them
They'd come home in the wee hours of the morning right after the counting
Spending sleepless nights in the office.
I remember I'd often complain - during these times, we were "fatherless" and "motherless"
When all my classmates and friends, and all the children in the neighborhood spent time with their parents, my parents were in the "Munisipyo" working.

I also saw how they worked hard and with integrity
I grew accustomed with their work habits and values
And with them, I always look forward to every election.
New hope, voting wisely, making my vote count.

But it all changed on August 6, 2007.

My mom experienced the worst "election" of her life in the May 2007 elections.
She received all kinds of threats and harassment.
Of course she was also threatened. She feared not for her life, but for our lives.
She wouldn't even want us to go home and see her.

The night before the elections, somebody sprayed bullets in our house while we were sleeping
and my Mom in the "munisipyo"
We experienced having "security escorts"
And the rest was history.

My mom got killed because she stood up for the truth.
Or should I say, my mom got killed because she refused to do something that is against her values and morals.

The one who pulled the trigger is already in jail.
And it took me a very painstaking process.
But the one who asked the man to pull the trigger is still out...
...and seeking re-election.
I made my vote count in 2007...but still wasn't "heard".

Christmas is the time

I miss going home to Mama on a Christmas break; where I do nothing but sit down, sleep, prepare the table, eat and kwento kwento.

I miss opening surprise gifts from Mama and in return, Mama waiting for her gift from "Santa".

I miss the mornings of December 25 where Papa would always wake me up with his stories of how I was born, and him fixing the windows.

I miss Lolo Kito peeping on the door, checking whether the "kids" are already awake.

I miss eating at home without me having to wash the dishes but Lola Febe doing it instead.

I miss my childhood. I miss my family. I miss them so much.

I miss being embraced and hugged by Papa. I miss having late night chit chats with Mama. I miss cleaning Lolo Kito's nails. I miss Lola Febe's pride everytime she comes to know of the little things we do.

As I build my own family, I hope to build good and lasting memories for my children too.

My Rhyss, the doting kuya

Rhyss, you told auntie Rianne, you're going to sleep alone in the room when she gets married in December?

Yes, ma

Why, don't you like to go back to our room? You won't sleep with Mama and Papa anymore?

Yes, but it's okay with me. I want ading to experience what I experienced. Sleep with you also.

Oh, like sleeping with mama and papa for 8 years?

Yes.

The contraption called ankle support

I got a bad case of sprain yesterday, where I literally heard the krek krek krek on my left foot.

I woke up this morning with a swollen left ankle that made it hard for me to wake up.

Carlo brought me to the doctor...ortho.

The doctor then held my left foot, stretch, twist, stretch, twist. Showed us a big book with ligaments and tendons and bones and explained it so well why I twisted my ankle.

Then he brought out what he called ankle support.

So I said, ok ok ok. I like it. hmmm...looks like it will cost me only less than a thousand.

Ok, so next...

I showed him my right foot. I complained about the pain in my "dapan" (whatever you call it)

Then he said, it is most painful in the morning. Yes, yes, yes

He knocked it. Ouch, ouch, ouch

You know iha, this blah (I can't pronounce it, can't even memorize it) is most common to middle aged people and number 2, overweights.

Yeah right! I'm not middle aged...am I overweight? blah! Whatever!!!

I can't give you medicine. You said you're breastfeeding. Yes doctor. So how about it?

I can inject something. How much? How much Deb (referring to his secretary)

P1800 for the medicine, and P400 for the professional fee. Ok, I will come back on Saturday.

For the left foot, P2,900 all in all.

What a price for calling me overweight, eh?

Now I feel better. I have to. This contraption on my left foot has to work. Otherwise...

Otherwise I will just go back to the gym.

teacher, teacher, teacher

di pa ko nakacheck

di pa ko nakapagrecord

di pa ko nakagawa ng exam

cramming, cramming, cramming

di ko na naman nagawa ang paper ko

sa september 21 na last day ng admission

pati letter wala pa din ako

cramming, cramming, cramming

sarap kasing makipagkwentuhan lang kay rhyss

kargahin si bordabee

kumain, matulog

sana, sana, sana

kasana, dito na lang ako sa bahay

bukas tatanungin na naman ako

ano na ang level ng accomplishment?

ung board, gawa na ba? di ko na mamonitor ang massive training kit

ung liquidation natin for the iec ok na ba, nasubmit na ba sa neda?

nakapagsubmit na ba lahat ng reports? sa 5 na ang deadline, huli na naman tayo

wala! wala! wala!

I miss my Mom!

These are one of those days when I wish Mama were still here. One cough she hears on the phone and she would give you a list of do's and dont's, medicines that you can take, and her all time favorite - water therapy! Then the following day, she's already knocking at the door, literally dragging you to go to the doctor.

Yes, that's how mama was. I've been nursing my cough for almost a month now. I went to the doctor this morning (for the 2nd time, now a Pulmonologist) and was given a mask at P5 and gave me medicines not advisable for breastfeeding mothers. He told me - 7 days ka lang namang titigil magbreastfeed. Iniisip ko kasi ikaw. Tingnan mo ang itsura mo o para ka kasing kawawa. Hmmmmpppphhhhh! Tama ba un? Pero naman, in fairness, I really had fever this morning, can't talk properly, can't taste my food, throbbing headache, chest pains. If ony Mama were with me, we would be laughing our heart out after the visit.

Oh well, yes, I'm 31 years old. And I sincerely wish somebody were with me during my check up this morning...and I really trully miss my Mom....

Rianne is making up to it. She's always texting and reminding me how stubborn I am not to go to the doctor immediately.

I hope to rest this weekend. Sana...

Remembering Mama on her birthday

Carlo and I went to the cemetery yesterday. I was so touched to see the following:

So characteristically mama. Notice the cup of coffee? The numbers written there? We really had a good laugh!

Natalo tuloy ang flowers ni Aromin's. For those who remembered, thank you! You really know how to touch a daughter's heart.

At Gecko Cafe

Scene 1: mam, para sa spaghetti meatballs lang po ang apple juice

pero sabi naman dito, all kids meals

ok mam

Scene 2: grilled whole lapu-lapu in mango sauce

ano po ang drinks nyo mam?

coke

coke sero po ba?

ung regular lang

wet lang mam

Scene 3: mam, wala na daw pong lapu-lapu

grilled lemon chicken na lang ading

ok mam, grelled lemon checken

My teaching encounter

At last, I'm done checking! I promptly returned the papers today for my TThS class and yesterday for my MWF class.

I discussed the answers after I gave the papers and told them to approach me if there is/are error/s and/or they feel or think that they deserve a higher score for their essay/s.

One student approached me in my TThS class. "Ma'am, pakicheck naman po ung number two. Parang ung sagot ko, andun po lahat ung diniscuss ninyo kanina." So I read his paper again. True enough, instead of writing 8, I wrote 3. So I said, I'm sorry, then recorded his score. I explained that I could not give him a 10 because he was not able to really relate his answer with opportunity cost. Then again, he asked me to look at number three. Another essay.

For question number three, I gave a table on the population of the Cordillera Administrative Region for the years 1970, 1980, 1990 and 2000, and asked them to relate it to scarcity, economic activity and decision making.

So I read again. Then I told him, "you really got 4." "Ma'am, can't you reconsider? I was in a hurry and I was thinking about the space I will need so I wrote there ...allocate population." So I patiently told him, "we don't allocate population but we allocate resources!" This time, he was more insistent. "Nagkamali lang po kasi ako ng naisulat ma'am. Alam ko pong mali. Pero tingnan naman po ninyo ang discussion ko, I talked about goods." Then I told him, "yes, that's why you got four. And you did not only mention it once but twice." Then he won't stop insisting he knows and that he just made a mistake. In my mind I really wanted to tell him, "what part of no, can't you understand?!?!?!" So I just told him, I really can't consider it because I check based on what he wrote, not on what he thinks. So he stopped.

Then the bell rang, all students went out already. The boy stayed. "Ma'am, sayang naman, sana pwedeng maconsider na." Hay! Ok fine, I told them, they should exert some effort, but not this kind, ok? So I just smiled and told him, "Kaya nga e, sayang. So you'd better be careful next time."

Teaching is difficult but very rewarding. It is a very fulfilling profession. Much more than research. Much more than marketing and advocacy. It is something I enjoy doing no matter how many encounters I have with the "boisterous generation".

The greatest enemy of wisdom is the voice of discontent...

Rhyss, exams will be on the 22nd already. I still have plenty of papers to check!

See mama, being a teacher is not so easy right? It's also hard, you have plenty of things to do.

If you want the rainbow, you must put up with the rain

It's been five days since I started teaching in my old University. Boy, I am really having a blast! Carlo said I look more contented, happier and blooming every time I go home; in contrast to looking harassed and haggard every time I come home from regular work. My ever observant Rhyss said, "Ma, you're coming home earlier when you had two jobs!"

Yes, teaching gives me a sense of high. It's different. A very good and fulfilling respite from my 8-5 job that ends until almost 9 in the evening.

It's so refreshing to be surrounded by students who listen to you and students who look forward to what you will say even if they are not studying. But having 50 students in my class also scares me....am I imparting the right things? do they understand? are they learning from me? Is there one hour with me worthwhile?

Becoming a teacher is really one thing that I never expect to be so fulfilling despite the odds.

Tired

Rhyss: Mama, why do they have to ask you a lot of things to do even if you're work is already done in the office? Don't go there na. Let's go home.

Me: Anak but I have to go see him because we asked him to travel. I need to give him this so he can go also.

Rhyss: Why don't they ask somebody else to do it? You tell them, you have two sons waiting for you.

Rhyss: That's what I don't like in your office. You resign their now. You be teacher y lang.

Training at Seminar

Hindi naman porke nagtraining ka o nagseminar ka, alam mo na lahat di ba? Not everything is discussed there naman di ba? Bakit kaya pag nag attend ka ng training or seminar, feeling nila alam mo dapat lahat...

Or, are they just inggit, hindi sila ang recipient? 

Career Change

It's not all about the money...it's about satisfaction, peace and happiness

Career Change

It's not all about the money...it's about satisfaction, peace and happiness

"The saddest kind of sad is the sad that tries not to be sad. You know, when Sad tries to bite its lip...

Smile!

Mam gud pm.  Mam 2mawag UP Baguio. Pls claim Transcript of Records of Ms. Rianne Picar on Thursday.  FYI po.  

It always pays to smile a lot.  My papacute paid off.  My taxi fares for a week and my undertime for a week.  Smile, smile, smile!

So what's next?

Power hungry. Forcing commitments. Fund from government? 

Yoko na. 

Market encounter

I met Jamie (not her real name) yesterday.  She's 9 years old and will be Grade 3 in June.  I met her in the market.  She approached me and asked if she can help me carry my stuff in exchange for something. 

Ate, ako na lang po ang magdala ng pinamalengke nyo.

Kaya mo? Ako nga malaki na hirap na hirap pa ako.  Mabigat ito...

Kaya ko po yan ate. Sanay na po ako.  

So I obliged because it was really sooo heavy.

Dalawa tayo ha. Ikaw sa kabila.  

Opo ate. Thank you po. 

While we were walking from the meat stalls to the vegetable section, I probed.

Alam ba ng mga magulang mo na nandito ka? 

Opo. Hinihintay ko nga po ang mama ko kasi po namalengke siya. 

Aaaa...tas sabay na kayong uuwi? 

Hindi po.  Maiiwan po ako. Magbebenta pa po ako ng supot e. 

Saan nagwowork ang mama mo? 

Sa Bakakeng po. (I thought her mom worked in the market)

So, mag-isa ka lang na nagbebenta? 

Opo, kaya ko naman po. 

Anong oras ka pumunta dito? 

Alas sais p0, nasa palengke na po ako.

Hanggang anong oras ka? 

Hanggang gabi na po. 

Asan ang papa mo? 

Patay na po e. Three years na po. 

Ikaw ba ang panganay? 

Hindi po. Ako po ang bunso at mag-isang babae. 

Ilang taon na ang mga kuya mo? 

10 at 11 years old po. 

Pumapasok kayo lahat sa school? 

Opo. 

Tinutulungan ko lang po ang mama ko kasi alam ko pong nahihirapan siya. 

Kaya mo pa ba akong ihatid hanggang sa Sunshine? Di ka ba hahanapin ng mama mo? 

Opo. Kayang kaya ko po.  Di po niya ako hahanapin.  Alam naman po niya ang trabaho ko.

Kumain ka na ba? 

Opo, kumain po ako bago po ako lumabas ng bahay.  

Ate, lagi po ba kayong namamalengke? 

Oo. 

Anong araw po? Sabado po ba? 

Oo, kung minsan Sabado, kung minsan Linggo. 

Ate, doon lang po ako. Hanapin nyo lang po ako kung mamalengke kayo. 

Oo, sige. Thank you ha. 

Salamat din po ate. 

And she left with a smile that made me think about my son, 8 years old, Grade 3, and watching TV. 

 

 

 

A P25-million fund to end political killings has been ordered put up by President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo, who also called on lawmakers to use part of their pork barrel to help raise the amount. - what if....?

I can go faster than the wind!!!

Summer with my Rhyss is...

vanilla ice cream with maraschino cherries and stik-o spruced up with Hershey's syrup

Ang bago kong kasangga...

Happy Anniversary Mama and Papa. Today's supposed to be your 32nd Wedding Anniversary!

I miss you so much. I love you.

Buti pa ang Ripley's madaling paniwalaan...

Capital D: Random lang

d as in daring
d as in delicadeza
d as in depressed
d as in dunggo
d as in daddy
d as in dumbo
d as in dinengdeng
d as in danggit
d as in darling
d as in drugs
d as in deklarasyon
d as in dependent
d as in durog
d as in dimples
d as in Capital V
d as in Capital C

Becoming a Kuya...

Indulgence is...

...eating two plates of pansit...
...eating ice cream...
...eating cheese burger meal from McDonalds...
...eating 15pcs pandesal with cheese...
...drinking a tall mug of hot Swiss Miss with mallows...
...eating 3 slices of pizza...
...eating half of Red Ribbon custard roll...

all in a day!

Bakit?

1. Bakit may mga taong mababagal? As in sobrang bagal, daig pa ang flower girl kung magmartsa.

2. Bakit may mahina ang processor? Paulit-ulit mong sasabihin kung paano dapat gawin ang isang bagay, pero uulit-ulitin pa ring gagawin ang gustong gawin.

3. Bakit may mga taong sobrang mataas ang pride? Ilang ulit nilang sasabihin na hindi ka nila kailangan pero ramdam na ramdam mo naman at kitang-kita mo ang pangangailangan nila sa iyo.

4. Bakit ako pikon na pikon? Dahil siguro ako ay pagod na pagod.

5. Bakit ako inis na inis? Ewan. Feel ko lang siguro. Choice ko naman kung maiinis ako o magiging masaya di ba?

Christmas is the time...

I miss them so much...

I am so blessed indeed...

Carl Rhyss and Christof Aaron

Yeah right! I'm a proud Mom of two boys!

Why I named my son Christof Aaron

I named him such because his name describes us.

Christof means bearer of Christ...and of course, Rhyss already is Carl. Christof...Christine.
Aaron...yes, he was Moses' right hand. His name also means mountain of strength.

Indeed, God has blessed me so much. I have been through a lot throughout my pregnancy and I have seen God's hand move and I have experienced Him working in my life.

Christof Aaron came at a time when I was experiencing so much loss and so much pain with the death of my Mom and Lola Febe. He came at a time when there was so much turmoil in my marriage, not knowing what to do or who to turn to.

And God showed me clearly just how much grace and love He has for me.

Yes, Kuya Romy and Ate Leila was so right when they said my baby is more than a conqueror. Looking back now, I wouldn't have survived and my baby wouldn't be this healthy if it were not for the strength that God has given.

Indeed, I am so blessed to have children like Rhyss and Aaron.

Kaya sila tinawag na mag-ama

Oh Rhyss!!!

Rhyss, will you please come here.
Why Mama?
I miss you, I want to embrace and kiss you.
Why do you miss me, we're in the same country naman e.

***

Ma, I miss Rianne.
Why do you miss her, you're in the same country right?
(then pretended not to hear anything)

***

Mama, I'm going to miss you if you go to work and I go to school.
Why anak, di ba we live in the same country naman?
Nooooo! What I mean was we live in the same city, in the same house!!!

***

Rhyss while doing exercises in division...

Oh dear! This is so hard...

Ma, I want to eat... (asked for a serving of igado and rice and finished a plateful though he's done with dinner already)...

(After eating...) Ohhhhh....

Then I observed...a picture of Rianne was displayed in front of the DVD player, looks at it, then answer one problem, looks at the tv, then looks at Rianne's picture again.

Oh Rhyss!!!

Lord, I have been through so much. I am sorry if I keep on forgetting how faithful you are to have carried me through all the seasons in my life.

Thank you God for reminding me that You have a great plan for me, and that You desire the best for me. Thank you for calling me the apple of your eye. Thank you for loving me so much despite my iniquities and imperfections.

Yes God, I won't allow myself to be affected by an anthill. I know that your grace is more than sufficient for me.

Thank you for helping me climb mountains and for helping me reach the apex of every mountain unscathed.

Indeed Lord, you are faithful. Thank you for your promise that you're going to fight for me and stand up for me.

Yes God, I will be still and know that You are an awesome God.

To be a mother of two boys...

Lapit ng lumabas si Peanuts, wala pang pangalan.
Rhyss is having "papansin" episodes.
I'm getting jittery, I'm always sick.
Nakakakaba pala ang maging nanay ng dalawa.
But I'm excited...

Less talk, less mistakes

Ang konti na nga lang ng sinabi ko namisquoute pa. Pareho ba to?

"Our God is a just God"

sa

"Thank God justice has been served"

For me, hindi pareho.

God is the God of Justice

Thank you God! He is guilty...I know you are faithful and You will not leave us in the midst of the battle. You are not done yet...but I am confident that You will never leave us. I will be still and know that You are God. May you be glorified, Lord.

God is not done with me yet. But I am assured that He will stay with me until the race is finished...because my God is faithful.

Happy Birthday Rianne!

Today is my one and only sister's birthday...
my only family left as Rhyss said last Monday.
At 28, she has gone through a lot...
She turned 18 without a blastful celebration,
but she never complained about it. Guess where and how she spent it!

Now at 28, she has matured sooo much;
Ten years after, her strength, peace and joy is unequalled.
Grace, that's what it is.
Faith, that's what keeps her going.
Love, that's what moves her.

Rianne, my ading that I am so proud of...
Next to God, my biggest source of strength.
The very best friend I ever had.

Happy Birthday Homer!

"Homer, dahan-dahan lang, malapit na ang birthday natin!"

Another baby boy!

Yes, our blessing will be coming in December. Another baby boy (though I know, almost everybody is expecting a baby girl).

A blessing is a blessing is a blessing!

I miss you Ma

Yesterday, Pastor Lino and I had the chance to talk...

"Talaga nga love ti taga-Bauang ni Mamam anya? Adda ti nagdakkel nga streamer na nga nakakabil jay market - Remembering Felicidad Picar, Municipal Treasurer, Bauang (something like that)."

Oh! I knew about it and I don't know if I want to go see it.

But I really feel honored that my Mom is given that kind of importance. And as a daughter, I feel so blessed that Mama left a good legacy...an inheritance worth more than riches.

I love you Ma.

Thank you

It has been a year since we lost our Mom on August 6, 2007.

I miss her so much. Rhyss does too, not forgetting to tell me everyday. And a lot of people does.

God showed himself faithful and He has blessed us with people who really let us feel that God is indeed God.

I felt elated with the ceremony that Bauang did in remembrance for my Mom. I know Mama is likewise honored with the program they have prepared. A marker was placed in front of the house where we used to live in Santiago, Bauang, La Union.

Yes, the justice that we are praying for is not yet served. But I know, in God's time, He will give the justice that Mama truly deserves.

Thank you for not only sharing in our grief, but letting us feel that we are loved and that we are not alone. May God bless you all a hundredfold.

I miss you so much Ma

Life is like a bunch of guapples...

The gunman's alibi is to buy guapples in Urayong for his wife to sell (His wife is selling "tinudok" anyway. Product diversity ba ang tawag dun?). Then, there was no guapple for sale at around 7-7:30am on August 6, 2007 so he went to Bagbag. He is from Agoo but it was his first time to visit Urayong. On his way to Bagbag, going to the "riles", Police, all of a sudden, came pursuing him, so he ran and ran and ran and ran until they came to the "kaarumasan" where a gun was neatly placed on the sand.

This person who knelt down before me and my sister on August 7, 2008, the same person who said "pakawanen dak, saan ko ingagara", "pamilyak laeng ti panpanunutek", now claims he saw only Rianne for the first time when she testified in court. A a, ket wen a garud.

Sabagay, he is in no better position than I am. He is also living in fear I believe. Yes, I forgive him already. Whatever the result of the case may be, I know that whoever are behind my Mama's killing will not escape justice.

There is a God who never sleeps, a God who knows all truth...

I choose to be still and know that my God is God. I will wait on HIM.

August 6, 2007

I miss you so much mama.

Mornings at Burnham Park

You want me to take your pictures? Doughnuts for sale!
Dance with Mr. Coliwan...
...and dance some more
Hey mother, take my picture y lang!

Lord, mas mahirap yata ito a!

Over the weekend

• I had some kind of a heart to heart talk with my Auntie Reina. Was so good to hear from her that he looked up to my Papa when she was still a little girl. Yes, my Papa was an alcoholic but he was the best Father ever - he came home early, cooked for Rianne and I, went to market, washed clothes, fetched water. And yes, he was the sweetest dad ever!
• Cried over some crap, but hey! done is done said Carlo. Okay! Love is love is love is love. And God is the third strand of my marriage. And God sees everything and knows all things. And the Lord will fight for me. :)
• First time Carlo and I brought Rhyss with us for my monthly check-up. Manong Rhyss got so excited, he told "everything" to Dr. Dumaup!!!
• Missed my Mama so much. Miss my sister so much.
• Hearing went well. All in my Mom's favor. Yey!!!
• Manipon family had breakfast with the Babaran family. It was really fun. And we hope we can do it again. Next time, John Hay na sana talaga. Hehehe
• Cooked so much. Hmmm. Therapeutic pala ang pagluluto. I will do it more often. Especially with Carlo and Rhyss always saying - wow! mama! ang sarap!!!
• I ate plenty of chicheria, drink plenty of Coke!!! Yeah right! Bawal. But auntie Reina said, I can eat and drink basta I drink plenty of water. Hehehe

All in all, I had a fun, stressful, delightful, dramatic, enjoyable and worth remembering weekend!

More wisdom...so much grace!

I have been through a lot and I know that God's grace will see me through.

hahaha!

somebody's affected! somebody's spying on me...ahahahaha.

A lot of things to be thankful for...

Indeed, Father God, you are an awesome God.

Thank you Father for your grace and for your peace.
Thank you for loving me so much.
Thank you for the wisdom that you have given me.
Thank you for preparing me for bigger things.
Thank you for preparing me for all the difficulties and circumstances.
Thank you for making me stronger.
Thank you for teaching me that my security is always in you.
Thank you for giving me a son like Rhyss. Thank you for honoring me with a
child with wisdom beyond his age.
Thank you for the baby inside my womb. Thank you God for as early as now,
you have shown me that my baby is a conqueror.
Thank you for shielding me with your favor as with a shield.
Thank you for giving me joy and peace beyond compare.
Thank you for making my faith to rise up.
Thank you for using me to touch other people's lives.
Thank you for all the things I am going through.
Thank you for in my weakness, you are my strength.
Thank you for carrying me in the palm of your hands.
Thank you God, for in you, I am not alone.

I love you Lord and all I desire is to be always in your favor.
Thank you Lord for everything has been paid for by the blood of Jesus.
Thank you for I am no longer fighting for victory but from victory.
Thank you for my inheritance.
Thank you for you have prepared a wonderful place for me more than
I can ever imagine.
Thank you for your grace is sufficient for me.
Thank you for giving me your Spirit that I may be comforted and have peace.

Lord, bless me indeed. And Father, may I always find favor in your eyes.

homerrific is terrific!

Your happiness is determined by your character. Your character is determined by your choices. Your choices are determined by your values. Your values are determined by your vision.

Father's Day

Father's Day

Happy Fathers' Day Papa. Thank you for taking really good care of me when you were still here. Your love still embraces me until now. I hope you and Mama are happy wherever you are now.

Happy Father's Day also to you, Lolo Kito...I know you're not perfect but I thank you for being a father to Papa. Without the love you've shown him, I know he will not be able to love me and Rianne the way he did.

I love you both and I'm so proud to have a Father and a Lolo like you.

I put my trust in God...

Dear God, I don't understand it, but I trust you.
I am no longer going to spend all my time trying to figure out why certain things happen.
I'm going to trust you to make something good out of it.
You're a good God, and I know you have my best interests at heart.
You promised that all things will work together for my good.

God, if it is possible, please let my Mama and Papa know, I miss them so much and wish they were here. Let my Lolo Kito and Lola Febe know also that I miss them a lot, too. Let them all know that I love them very much. Please let them know also that my in-laws, Daddy Cris and Mama Anita are really taking good care of me.

And God, please let my Mom know that we're fighting for her and the church is really praying for justice.

Hold me always in the palm of your hand God,

Christine

P.S.

Lord, if it is also possible, please let them know that Rhyss is having an ading and we're all so excited about Peanuts. I feel bad everytime I think about them not seeing Peanuts. But God, I know that your timing is always perfect.

Thank you God and I love you.

Remembering my friend...

The news came as a shock...
We just agreed we will meet when she comes home from China...
She's also pregnant and she should be home...
But I can't see her anymore...
She's coming home, but we will never have the chance to talk anymore
We will all miss you, friend.

I'm 12 weeks 2 days pregnant today...and I'm hoping that I can already attend the hearings for Mama's case. Doctor said not yet, because the whole process can give me so much stress.

Yes indeed. But more than the case, something else is giving me more stress.

Yes, I'm worried about peanuts.

But I'm coping. God is always good. His grace is really more than enough for me.

Ma, I wish you were still here. I miss you. I love you so much.

Pain. Hurt. Forgive. Forget. Move on.

Peanuts!

There is a baby!
There is a heartbeat, praise God!
But "Peanuts" heartbeat is slow (113 - should be 120 or more).
Oh no, another ultrasound?
I think I won't anymore.
God will take care of my baby...
Like how God took care of Rhyss
...Halsema highway every week
...Travels in the different towns of Mountain Province
...Antibiotics
......but Rhyss came out just fine.
And we will have a Xilca. Or another Carl.

Oh Rhyss!!!

Lord, please help my mama not to worry about our baby. Give her strength. Protect our baby. I pray that our baby will be okay. In Jesus' name, amen.

****

Lord, I pray that they will still pansin me even if our baby will come out already. Thank you Lord for our new baby. We are all excited to have her. I pray Lord that you please help us take care of her also. We are all happy for our new baby. In Jesus' name, Amen.

****

Lord, I pray that you please give us a bigger house where I will have my own room when I become a Kuya already. Help me Lord so that I will be a good Kuya. In Jesus' name, Amen.

This is the way of an adulteress:
She eats and wipes her mouth,
and says, I've done nothing wrong."

Proverbs 30:20

A new baby!

There is always a reason to smile
and thank God for all the blessings
For a while, we thought we couldn't have this baby
Indeed, God is good!
I'm 4 weeks 6 days pregnant today!!!

Sigh! If only Mama, Lolo Kito, Lola Febe and Papa were here...

I miss my Mama...

...who has an answer for everything.

Lord, we all want to have this baby...

The most touching prayer I heard -

Lord, please help Mama not to think that something will happen to our baby. Give her happiness and peace. Help her not to be sad. Protect her and our baby. In Jesus name, amen.
(Rhyss, 6 years old)

My God is a God in and out of seasons...

I have been through a lot already...and like what my Auntie Raquel told me, I'm "getting older" fastforward. I can't still imagine myself coping and getting through this. I believe if it weren't for God's grace and mercy, I wouldn't be standing now. I could have died with grief. I would have been overcome with sorrow. My ate Kit was so right when she told me, "our God is a God of seasons, He will see you through in every season."

Battle after battle, problem after problems...but God is good. I have seen His goodness all the time. And everytime circumstances come which are for me, unsurmountable, it is God's enabling grace that pulls me through.

God is building my character. He is showing me that I can't hold on to anyone and anything. Only God can complete me. Only God can make me whole. Not my Papa, not my Mom, not Lolo Kito, not Lola Febe, not Rianne, not Rhyss, and not even Carlo. Only God can give me peace and joy. Not my friends, not my church, not my work, not even Carlo's loyalty and love.

I've been in pain for quite sometime. I am hurting. But God always sustains me. The best thing I learned....?

Things here on earth are fleeting. They are just temporary. It's meaningless.
What matters is what lies ahead. What's in store for me when God will say, "Come home my child".

Yes, I have cried so much...much more than I had ever cried in my 30 years of existence. Yes, I have asked God to take all these away from me, I am getting worn out...but I know, God will always make me emerge victorious. My Father has gone before me. He has equipt me to win this battle. I thank God for I am no longer fighting for victory...Jesus won the battle for me. And all I need to do now is claim my inheritance.

Yes indeed...these shall all pass. I thank God for I wasn't only called, but chosen. I will be joyful in affliction because I look forward to what God has in store for me. I am His...and I know that He loves me so much.

What would you do if...?

Forgive.
Love.
Move on.
Trust.
Have Faith.

Thank you God for I am more than what the eyes can see.
Thank you God for I am special.
Thank you for only in You can I find my security.
Thank you for only You can complete me and make me whole.

No matter how rough the road may be, God always go before us, and always prepares us for the inevitable. A time for purging. Our God is a God in and out of seasons.

Family is...

Papa Carlo, Mama Kit, and son Rhyss.

Nobody calls my husband Daddy. Nobody calls herself Mommy.

Only Rhyss, Carlo and Me.

I'm the proudest ate!

http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20080318-125344/Its-a-new-season

Holy Week

Holy week. We're not going home.
I'm not looking forward to going home.
I'm sad. I want to sulk at home.

I miss Lolo Kito. I miss Lola Febe.
I miss Papa. I miss Mama.

I miss spending time with them.
I simply miss them...

To be a wife...

Lord, thank you for my inheritance is a sweet and happy marriage. Thank you for you are the third strand in our marriage.

Thank you for you allowed Carlo and I to grow in you. Thank you for not allowing anything to destroy our marriage. Thank you for instilling in us the right fear in you. Thank you Father for the joy that you have given. Thank you for you reign supreme and sovereign over and above our marriage.

Give us the grace to walk with you, to be faithful to you, to love you with all our hearts. I pray that you will always be number one in our hearts. Only you can complete us Lord God. I pray that Rhyss will grow up seeing us love each other more.

Lord, help me to be always the wife you described in Proverbs 31:10-12. Help me be a crown to my husband's head, and a garland around the neck of my son.

Give me the grace to always stand by my husband, to faithfully pray for him and to see him in the eyes of faith. Yes, I will not let the enemy gain a foothold into our marriage. I will not allow anything to destroy my marriage. I will not stand by and watch my husband be wearied, beaten down, or destroyed. I will not sit idle while an invisible wall goes up between us. I will not allow confusion, miscommunication, wrong attitudes, and bad choices to erode what we are trying to build together. I will not tolerate hurt and unforgiveness that will lead us to separate. Lord I believe that we can take a stand against any negative influences in our marriage and know that You, O God, has given us authority in Your Name to back it up.

Thank you Lord for you are our God.

Yes God, I will obey and be the wife you want me to be.

Dear Mama,

I miss you more everyday. I know you are in a place where there's no more crying, no more problems, no more issues. I believe you are enjoying (such an understatement I guess) every second. I am just so glad you are happy now.

I always thank God for you Mama...and thank you for being such a wonderful Mom.

Until now, I am still awed at your strength and wisdom.

I've been through so much pain but your memory keeps me going. Thank you for you shared your life to me. Thank you for being such a wonderful Mom. Thank you for always telling me to be happy...problems come and go and I should not be defeated by my own worries. You had much more troubles than I, more problems than I had...but you were always strong. I have never seen you cry.

I miss you so much Mama...

Love you always,

Christine

Proverbs 31:10-12

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Death is so sudden
Pain is inevitable
Joy is a choice
Faith rises
Character is built up
Peace is only from God
Grace is sufficient

Lola Febe, 87 years old, Gastric Cancer

my thoughts

I have this book - "How to forgive when you don't feel like it"...Rhyss saw it. After reading the title said, "Ma, I like this book! So, this is what you and Rianne did to the one who killed mommy?!?". I hope Rhyss will learn that it is through God's grace that we forgive and love.

"Ni, di met makapagnan toy umay mangbisita knyak", Lola Febe on Lola Nena when Lola Nena and Lolo Ben visited her at home. Lola is weak, can't eat, on dextrose and already wearing diaper because it is hard for her to get up already but she still thinks properly. She's still very much interested on news, current events, the goings on in my life, Rhyss' and Rianne's. My prayer is that she will not feel any pain. She's 87, turning 88 on May 18. Thank God there is Auntie Edna, Auntie Reina, Sheldy, Auntie Iling, Auntie Belen, Irwin and Flor, Auntie Virgie, and friends.

I am Felicidad Picar's panganay. I did not get the green bag we submitted with still Mama's things intact. That green bag is missing. They don't know where it went after it was examined in the crime lab. It walked on its own?

Seven year itch, spiced by pictures in Kyria's site, Zariah aka Carla, "coffee bonding" at Ionic Cafe, lying, nagging, finger-pointing, betrayal. One time we were watching, Rhyss told Carlo, Papa, you're "Palos" (the new soap in ABS-CBN)!. "Really, why, is he gwapo, is he smart and brave too?" I asked. Papa is Palos...PALUSOT! I have nothing to do with it, ok?

I'm so sick and tired of politics in the office. I'm not happy now. I know, I can do more, I can do better than what they are asking me to do. I want to manage my own business. I want to be an event's coordinator.