Christmas is the time...

I miss them so much...

I am so blessed indeed...

Carl Rhyss and Christof Aaron

Yeah right! I'm a proud Mom of two boys!

Why I named my son Christof Aaron

I named him such because his name describes us.

Christof means bearer of Christ...and of course, Rhyss already is Carl. Christof...Christine.
Aaron...yes, he was Moses' right hand. His name also means mountain of strength.

Indeed, God has blessed me so much. I have been through a lot throughout my pregnancy and I have seen God's hand move and I have experienced Him working in my life.

Christof Aaron came at a time when I was experiencing so much loss and so much pain with the death of my Mom and Lola Febe. He came at a time when there was so much turmoil in my marriage, not knowing what to do or who to turn to.

And God showed me clearly just how much grace and love He has for me.

Yes, Kuya Romy and Ate Leila was so right when they said my baby is more than a conqueror. Looking back now, I wouldn't have survived and my baby wouldn't be this healthy if it were not for the strength that God has given.

Indeed, I am so blessed to have children like Rhyss and Aaron.

Kaya sila tinawag na mag-ama

Oh Rhyss!!!

Rhyss, will you please come here.
Why Mama?
I miss you, I want to embrace and kiss you.
Why do you miss me, we're in the same country naman e.

***

Ma, I miss Rianne.
Why do you miss her, you're in the same country right?
(then pretended not to hear anything)

***

Mama, I'm going to miss you if you go to work and I go to school.
Why anak, di ba we live in the same country naman?
Nooooo! What I mean was we live in the same city, in the same house!!!

***

Rhyss while doing exercises in division...

Oh dear! This is so hard...

Ma, I want to eat... (asked for a serving of igado and rice and finished a plateful though he's done with dinner already)...

(After eating...) Ohhhhh....

Then I observed...a picture of Rianne was displayed in front of the DVD player, looks at it, then answer one problem, looks at the tv, then looks at Rianne's picture again.

Oh Rhyss!!!

Lord, I have been through so much. I am sorry if I keep on forgetting how faithful you are to have carried me through all the seasons in my life.

Thank you God for reminding me that You have a great plan for me, and that You desire the best for me. Thank you for calling me the apple of your eye. Thank you for loving me so much despite my iniquities and imperfections.

Yes God, I won't allow myself to be affected by an anthill. I know that your grace is more than sufficient for me.

Thank you for helping me climb mountains and for helping me reach the apex of every mountain unscathed.

Indeed Lord, you are faithful. Thank you for your promise that you're going to fight for me and stand up for me.

Yes God, I will be still and know that You are an awesome God.

To be a mother of two boys...

Lapit ng lumabas si Peanuts, wala pang pangalan.
Rhyss is having "papansin" episodes.
I'm getting jittery, I'm always sick.
Nakakakaba pala ang maging nanay ng dalawa.
But I'm excited...

Less talk, less mistakes

Ang konti na nga lang ng sinabi ko namisquoute pa. Pareho ba to?

"Our God is a just God"

sa

"Thank God justice has been served"

For me, hindi pareho.

God is the God of Justice

Thank you God! He is guilty...I know you are faithful and You will not leave us in the midst of the battle. You are not done yet...but I am confident that You will never leave us. I will be still and know that You are God. May you be glorified, Lord.

God is not done with me yet. But I am assured that He will stay with me until the race is finished...because my God is faithful.

Happy Birthday Rianne!

Today is my one and only sister's birthday...
my only family left as Rhyss said last Monday.
At 28, she has gone through a lot...
She turned 18 without a blastful celebration,
but she never complained about it. Guess where and how she spent it!

Now at 28, she has matured sooo much;
Ten years after, her strength, peace and joy is unequalled.
Grace, that's what it is.
Faith, that's what keeps her going.
Love, that's what moves her.

Rianne, my ading that I am so proud of...
Next to God, my biggest source of strength.
The very best friend I ever had.

Happy Birthday Homer!

"Homer, dahan-dahan lang, malapit na ang birthday natin!"

Another baby boy!

Yes, our blessing will be coming in December. Another baby boy (though I know, almost everybody is expecting a baby girl).

A blessing is a blessing is a blessing!

I miss you Ma

Yesterday, Pastor Lino and I had the chance to talk...

"Talaga nga love ti taga-Bauang ni Mamam anya? Adda ti nagdakkel nga streamer na nga nakakabil jay market - Remembering Felicidad Picar, Municipal Treasurer, Bauang (something like that)."

Oh! I knew about it and I don't know if I want to go see it.

But I really feel honored that my Mom is given that kind of importance. And as a daughter, I feel so blessed that Mama left a good legacy...an inheritance worth more than riches.

I love you Ma.

Thank you

It has been a year since we lost our Mom on August 6, 2007.

I miss her so much. Rhyss does too, not forgetting to tell me everyday. And a lot of people does.

God showed himself faithful and He has blessed us with people who really let us feel that God is indeed God.

I felt elated with the ceremony that Bauang did in remembrance for my Mom. I know Mama is likewise honored with the program they have prepared. A marker was placed in front of the house where we used to live in Santiago, Bauang, La Union.

Yes, the justice that we are praying for is not yet served. But I know, in God's time, He will give the justice that Mama truly deserves.

Thank you for not only sharing in our grief, but letting us feel that we are loved and that we are not alone. May God bless you all a hundredfold.

I miss you so much Ma

Life is like a bunch of guapples...

The gunman's alibi is to buy guapples in Urayong for his wife to sell (His wife is selling "tinudok" anyway. Product diversity ba ang tawag dun?). Then, there was no guapple for sale at around 7-7:30am on August 6, 2007 so he went to Bagbag. He is from Agoo but it was his first time to visit Urayong. On his way to Bagbag, going to the "riles", Police, all of a sudden, came pursuing him, so he ran and ran and ran and ran until they came to the "kaarumasan" where a gun was neatly placed on the sand.

This person who knelt down before me and my sister on August 7, 2008, the same person who said "pakawanen dak, saan ko ingagara", "pamilyak laeng ti panpanunutek", now claims he saw only Rianne for the first time when she testified in court. A a, ket wen a garud.

Sabagay, he is in no better position than I am. He is also living in fear I believe. Yes, I forgive him already. Whatever the result of the case may be, I know that whoever are behind my Mama's killing will not escape justice.

There is a God who never sleeps, a God who knows all truth...

I choose to be still and know that my God is God. I will wait on HIM.

August 6, 2007

I miss you so much mama.

Mornings at Burnham Park

You want me to take your pictures? Doughnuts for sale!
Dance with Mr. Coliwan...
...and dance some more
Hey mother, take my picture y lang!

Lord, mas mahirap yata ito a!

Over the weekend

• I had some kind of a heart to heart talk with my Auntie Reina. Was so good to hear from her that he looked up to my Papa when she was still a little girl. Yes, my Papa was an alcoholic but he was the best Father ever - he came home early, cooked for Rianne and I, went to market, washed clothes, fetched water. And yes, he was the sweetest dad ever!
• Cried over some crap, but hey! done is done said Carlo. Okay! Love is love is love is love. And God is the third strand of my marriage. And God sees everything and knows all things. And the Lord will fight for me. :)
• First time Carlo and I brought Rhyss with us for my monthly check-up. Manong Rhyss got so excited, he told "everything" to Dr. Dumaup!!!
• Missed my Mama so much. Miss my sister so much.
• Hearing went well. All in my Mom's favor. Yey!!!
• Manipon family had breakfast with the Babaran family. It was really fun. And we hope we can do it again. Next time, John Hay na sana talaga. Hehehe
• Cooked so much. Hmmm. Therapeutic pala ang pagluluto. I will do it more often. Especially with Carlo and Rhyss always saying - wow! mama! ang sarap!!!
• I ate plenty of chicheria, drink plenty of Coke!!! Yeah right! Bawal. But auntie Reina said, I can eat and drink basta I drink plenty of water. Hehehe

All in all, I had a fun, stressful, delightful, dramatic, enjoyable and worth remembering weekend!

More wisdom...so much grace!

I have been through a lot and I know that God's grace will see me through.

hahaha!

somebody's affected! somebody's spying on me...ahahahaha.

A lot of things to be thankful for...

Indeed, Father God, you are an awesome God.

Thank you Father for your grace and for your peace.
Thank you for loving me so much.
Thank you for the wisdom that you have given me.
Thank you for preparing me for bigger things.
Thank you for preparing me for all the difficulties and circumstances.
Thank you for making me stronger.
Thank you for teaching me that my security is always in you.
Thank you for giving me a son like Rhyss. Thank you for honoring me with a
child with wisdom beyond his age.
Thank you for the baby inside my womb. Thank you God for as early as now,
you have shown me that my baby is a conqueror.
Thank you for shielding me with your favor as with a shield.
Thank you for giving me joy and peace beyond compare.
Thank you for making my faith to rise up.
Thank you for using me to touch other people's lives.
Thank you for all the things I am going through.
Thank you for in my weakness, you are my strength.
Thank you for carrying me in the palm of your hands.
Thank you God, for in you, I am not alone.

I love you Lord and all I desire is to be always in your favor.
Thank you Lord for everything has been paid for by the blood of Jesus.
Thank you for I am no longer fighting for victory but from victory.
Thank you for my inheritance.
Thank you for you have prepared a wonderful place for me more than
I can ever imagine.
Thank you for your grace is sufficient for me.
Thank you for giving me your Spirit that I may be comforted and have peace.

Lord, bless me indeed. And Father, may I always find favor in your eyes.

homerrific is terrific!

Your happiness is determined by your character. Your character is determined by your choices. Your choices are determined by your values. Your values are determined by your vision.

Father's Day

Father's Day

Happy Fathers' Day Papa. Thank you for taking really good care of me when you were still here. Your love still embraces me until now. I hope you and Mama are happy wherever you are now.

Happy Father's Day also to you, Lolo Kito...I know you're not perfect but I thank you for being a father to Papa. Without the love you've shown him, I know he will not be able to love me and Rianne the way he did.

I love you both and I'm so proud to have a Father and a Lolo like you.

I put my trust in God...

Dear God, I don't understand it, but I trust you.
I am no longer going to spend all my time trying to figure out why certain things happen.
I'm going to trust you to make something good out of it.
You're a good God, and I know you have my best interests at heart.
You promised that all things will work together for my good.

God, if it is possible, please let my Mama and Papa know, I miss them so much and wish they were here. Let my Lolo Kito and Lola Febe know also that I miss them a lot, too. Let them all know that I love them very much. Please let them know also that my in-laws, Daddy Cris and Mama Anita are really taking good care of me.

And God, please let my Mom know that we're fighting for her and the church is really praying for justice.

Hold me always in the palm of your hand God,

Christine

P.S.

Lord, if it is also possible, please let them know that Rhyss is having an ading and we're all so excited about Peanuts. I feel bad everytime I think about them not seeing Peanuts. But God, I know that your timing is always perfect.

Thank you God and I love you.

Remembering my friend...

The news came as a shock...
We just agreed we will meet when she comes home from China...
She's also pregnant and she should be home...
But I can't see her anymore...
She's coming home, but we will never have the chance to talk anymore
We will all miss you, friend.

I'm 12 weeks 2 days pregnant today...and I'm hoping that I can already attend the hearings for Mama's case. Doctor said not yet, because the whole process can give me so much stress.

Yes indeed. But more than the case, something else is giving me more stress.

Yes, I'm worried about peanuts.

But I'm coping. God is always good. His grace is really more than enough for me.

Ma, I wish you were still here. I miss you. I love you so much.

Pain. Hurt. Forgive. Forget. Move on.

Peanuts!

There is a baby!
There is a heartbeat, praise God!
But "Peanuts" heartbeat is slow (113 - should be 120 or more).
Oh no, another ultrasound?
I think I won't anymore.
God will take care of my baby...
Like how God took care of Rhyss
...Halsema highway every week
...Travels in the different towns of Mountain Province
...Antibiotics
......but Rhyss came out just fine.
And we will have a Xilca. Or another Carl.

Oh Rhyss!!!

Lord, please help my mama not to worry about our baby. Give her strength. Protect our baby. I pray that our baby will be okay. In Jesus' name, amen.

****

Lord, I pray that they will still pansin me even if our baby will come out already. Thank you Lord for our new baby. We are all excited to have her. I pray Lord that you please help us take care of her also. We are all happy for our new baby. In Jesus' name, Amen.

****

Lord, I pray that you please give us a bigger house where I will have my own room when I become a Kuya already. Help me Lord so that I will be a good Kuya. In Jesus' name, Amen.

This is the way of an adulteress:
She eats and wipes her mouth,
and says, I've done nothing wrong."

Proverbs 30:20

A new baby!

There is always a reason to smile
and thank God for all the blessings
For a while, we thought we couldn't have this baby
Indeed, God is good!
I'm 4 weeks 6 days pregnant today!!!

Sigh! If only Mama, Lolo Kito, Lola Febe and Papa were here...

I miss my Mama...

...who has an answer for everything.

Lord, we all want to have this baby...

The most touching prayer I heard -

Lord, please help Mama not to think that something will happen to our baby. Give her happiness and peace. Help her not to be sad. Protect her and our baby. In Jesus name, amen.
(Rhyss, 6 years old)

My God is a God in and out of seasons...

I have been through a lot already...and like what my Auntie Raquel told me, I'm "getting older" fastforward. I can't still imagine myself coping and getting through this. I believe if it weren't for God's grace and mercy, I wouldn't be standing now. I could have died with grief. I would have been overcome with sorrow. My ate Kit was so right when she told me, "our God is a God of seasons, He will see you through in every season."

Battle after battle, problem after problems...but God is good. I have seen His goodness all the time. And everytime circumstances come which are for me, unsurmountable, it is God's enabling grace that pulls me through.

God is building my character. He is showing me that I can't hold on to anyone and anything. Only God can complete me. Only God can make me whole. Not my Papa, not my Mom, not Lolo Kito, not Lola Febe, not Rianne, not Rhyss, and not even Carlo. Only God can give me peace and joy. Not my friends, not my church, not my work, not even Carlo's loyalty and love.

I've been in pain for quite sometime. I am hurting. But God always sustains me. The best thing I learned....?

Things here on earth are fleeting. They are just temporary. It's meaningless.
What matters is what lies ahead. What's in store for me when God will say, "Come home my child".

Yes, I have cried so much...much more than I had ever cried in my 30 years of existence. Yes, I have asked God to take all these away from me, I am getting worn out...but I know, God will always make me emerge victorious. My Father has gone before me. He has equipt me to win this battle. I thank God for I am no longer fighting for victory...Jesus won the battle for me. And all I need to do now is claim my inheritance.

Yes indeed...these shall all pass. I thank God for I wasn't only called, but chosen. I will be joyful in affliction because I look forward to what God has in store for me. I am His...and I know that He loves me so much.

What would you do if...?

Forgive.
Love.
Move on.
Trust.
Have Faith.

Thank you God for I am more than what the eyes can see.
Thank you God for I am special.
Thank you for only in You can I find my security.
Thank you for only You can complete me and make me whole.

No matter how rough the road may be, God always go before us, and always prepares us for the inevitable. A time for purging. Our God is a God in and out of seasons.

Family is...

Papa Carlo, Mama Kit, and son Rhyss.

Nobody calls my husband Daddy. Nobody calls herself Mommy.

Only Rhyss, Carlo and Me.

I'm the proudest ate!

http://opinion.inquirer.net/inquireropinion/columns/view/20080318-125344/Its-a-new-season

Holy Week

Holy week. We're not going home.
I'm not looking forward to going home.
I'm sad. I want to sulk at home.

I miss Lolo Kito. I miss Lola Febe.
I miss Papa. I miss Mama.

I miss spending time with them.
I simply miss them...

To be a wife...

Lord, thank you for my inheritance is a sweet and happy marriage. Thank you for you are the third strand in our marriage.

Thank you for you allowed Carlo and I to grow in you. Thank you for not allowing anything to destroy our marriage. Thank you for instilling in us the right fear in you. Thank you Father for the joy that you have given. Thank you for you reign supreme and sovereign over and above our marriage.

Give us the grace to walk with you, to be faithful to you, to love you with all our hearts. I pray that you will always be number one in our hearts. Only you can complete us Lord God. I pray that Rhyss will grow up seeing us love each other more.

Lord, help me to be always the wife you described in Proverbs 31:10-12. Help me be a crown to my husband's head, and a garland around the neck of my son.

Give me the grace to always stand by my husband, to faithfully pray for him and to see him in the eyes of faith. Yes, I will not let the enemy gain a foothold into our marriage. I will not allow anything to destroy my marriage. I will not stand by and watch my husband be wearied, beaten down, or destroyed. I will not sit idle while an invisible wall goes up between us. I will not allow confusion, miscommunication, wrong attitudes, and bad choices to erode what we are trying to build together. I will not tolerate hurt and unforgiveness that will lead us to separate. Lord I believe that we can take a stand against any negative influences in our marriage and know that You, O God, has given us authority in Your Name to back it up.

Thank you Lord for you are our God.

Yes God, I will obey and be the wife you want me to be.

Dear Mama,

I miss you more everyday. I know you are in a place where there's no more crying, no more problems, no more issues. I believe you are enjoying (such an understatement I guess) every second. I am just so glad you are happy now.

I always thank God for you Mama...and thank you for being such a wonderful Mom.

Until now, I am still awed at your strength and wisdom.

I've been through so much pain but your memory keeps me going. Thank you for you shared your life to me. Thank you for being such a wonderful Mom. Thank you for always telling me to be happy...problems come and go and I should not be defeated by my own worries. You had much more troubles than I, more problems than I had...but you were always strong. I have never seen you cry.

I miss you so much Mama...

Love you always,

Christine

Proverbs 31:10-12

Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies. The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does him good and not evil all the days of her life.

Death is so sudden
Pain is inevitable
Joy is a choice
Faith rises
Character is built up
Peace is only from God
Grace is sufficient

Lola Febe, 87 years old, Gastric Cancer

my thoughts

I have this book - "How to forgive when you don't feel like it"...Rhyss saw it. After reading the title said, "Ma, I like this book! So, this is what you and Rianne did to the one who killed mommy?!?". I hope Rhyss will learn that it is through God's grace that we forgive and love.

"Ni, di met makapagnan toy umay mangbisita knyak", Lola Febe on Lola Nena when Lola Nena and Lolo Ben visited her at home. Lola is weak, can't eat, on dextrose and already wearing diaper because it is hard for her to get up already but she still thinks properly. She's still very much interested on news, current events, the goings on in my life, Rhyss' and Rianne's. My prayer is that she will not feel any pain. She's 87, turning 88 on May 18. Thank God there is Auntie Edna, Auntie Reina, Sheldy, Auntie Iling, Auntie Belen, Irwin and Flor, Auntie Virgie, and friends.

I am Felicidad Picar's panganay. I did not get the green bag we submitted with still Mama's things intact. That green bag is missing. They don't know where it went after it was examined in the crime lab. It walked on its own?

Seven year itch, spiced by pictures in Kyria's site, Zariah aka Carla, "coffee bonding" at Ionic Cafe, lying, nagging, finger-pointing, betrayal. One time we were watching, Rhyss told Carlo, Papa, you're "Palos" (the new soap in ABS-CBN)!. "Really, why, is he gwapo, is he smart and brave too?" I asked. Papa is Palos...PALUSOT! I have nothing to do with it, ok?

I'm so sick and tired of politics in the office. I'm not happy now. I know, I can do more, I can do better than what they are asking me to do. I want to manage my own business. I want to be an event's coordinator.

2008 Faith Goals

Cluster A
1. Be completely debt-free
2. House and lot in Baguio City (for the long-term, 2-door apartment)
3. Family business
4. Justice for mama's death
5. Healing for Rhyss
6. No pain for Lola Febe
7. Salvation of people close to me
8. Growth in the small group (leaders' group too)
9. Promotion for Carlo and I
10. Excellence for Rianne, Rhyss and I in school

Cluster B
1. Rich generosity
2. See people in the eyes of faith
3. Forgive, forgive, forgive!
4. Be a blessing
5. Be an encouragement
6. Be faithful in everything
7. Be a woman of (super) Integrity
8. A wife to Carlo, mom to Rhyss, ate to Rianne
9. Get (actively) involved in ministry (intercessory and/or multi-media)
10. More friends in church

Cluster C
1. Correl set
2. Cookware (don't know the name - glass, which can also serve as a bowl)
3. Go out of the country (either Thailand, China, Singapore, Malaysia)
4. Have vacation down south (either Davao, Cebu, Palawan, Bohol)
5. Computer chair
6. Gym/Badminton sessions for me and Carlo
7. Kumon/Violin classes for Rhyss
8. Big fat savings
9. Swatch and/or Guess watch/es
10. Comforter Sets

Happy New Year!

2007 was a very challenging year for us...

2008 will be equally challenging...fight for justice for mama's death; Lola Febe's gastric cancer at 87 years old; Rhyss' obstructive sleep apnea caused by his tonsils (size is as big as that of a 10 year-old)...

I don't know, but I feel so numb...but thank God for His grace. It is more than enough.

I miss them so much - Mama, Papa, Lolo Kito...seeing Lola in pain made it more painful...seeing Lolo Rico helpless makes it equally harder.

But God is the God of seasons. He will see us through...and everything written in the Bible, every promise spoken will come to pass. I feel in my heart that God will do wonders, greater things and I thank God I am not going through these things alone. I thank God He is holding me in the palm of his hand.

The Lord loves my family more than I do. He knows what He is doing.

So what am I going to do now? ...yes, I will be faithful, I will obey, I will go forth and tell of God's goodness and grace.

Indeed my God is faithful. I see prosperity in 2008...I see His grace being poured out in our lives...I feel His peace....I feel joy...I feel God move in every way. Yes, God is good, all the time...and all the time, God is good.